The Upcoming Plague

hello, friends,

well, we're three weeks into the semester and the plague has struck.

it happens every year. students get sick, faculty gets sick, staff gets sick.

if i were a normal human being, i would say that it is perhaps the changing of the seasons.

but it is still very warm in both chestertown and in philadelphia and i know a thing or two about the flu epidemic of 1918.

as far as the temperature goes, i suspect that the heat is what some would call an "indian summer." as with the names of professional and collegiate football teams, that term seems to have fallen into disuse. what it means to me is that i cannot wear my new tweed j.jill stuff and i have yet to transfer from my vera bradley floral pattern and into the vera bradley black microfiber. which is a bummer.

when one looks to the flu epidemic, well, all i can say is that draft two of my play was due on september 1st and it is still in the "cranial stage." suffice to say, don't go to any parades that are purported to support liberty bonds, don't hang around flocks of geese or other avian species and for heaven's sake, don't kiss any strangers.

that last part isn't all that true.

i had a great weekend with the lovely and talented neil blackadder (will someone hire him to freelance dramaturg in NYC this fall -- he's so SMART) and his bride natania rosenfeld (please please publish her short stories -- they rock!) and their poochie, bella. what a lovely time. we spent some time at the fringe cabaret with my good pal nick rye, where we chatted it up with my chum at WXPN michaela majoun (hey, if you aren't streaming and a member of www.wxpn.org, what the heck are you waiting for???). there was fire involved. that is all i am at liberty to say.

i'm looking forward to a visit from the spectacular jessica thebus -- just in time for a rewrite of WHISPERING CITY, and looking forward to some sleep.

i hope all of you are well in your worlds. be in touch.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky

This Just In...

hello, friends,

after my post yesterday, a quick-thinking bella emailed me the following revision to laura's joke:

Q: What is George W. Bush's position on New Orleans?

A: He believes in the sanctity of life, and that no child should be left behind. Unless they're black. Or poor.

frankly, i can't do any better than that.

on another front, this just in: aaron burr kills alexander hamilton in a duel in weehawken, new jersey!

okay, so i know that it is a little late-breaking. but on thursday afternoon, in chestertown maryland, author ron chernow, who wrote ALEXANDER HAMILTON, will present the inaugural george washington book prize lecture. this prize, larger than the pulitzer and the national book award (though, suspiciously, less than the sophie kerr) was created by the c.v. starr center for the american experience here at washington college. the good folks at the starr center, joined i am sure by college relations, have come up with an audio broadcast that is both amusing and accurate. go team!

you can listen to it by clicking here: http://www.washcoll.edu/wc/news/press_releases/05_09_13_duel.html

if you are interested in coming down, let me know ASAP. i'll be having cocktails with mr. chernow and company after the 5PM talk.

be well. and kind to each other.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky

Why We Love the Internet

hello, friends,

i had a great visit this weekend by the lovely and talented elizabeth bennett. before you all think that i am communing with characters from the novels of a dead victorian writer, think again.

it is elizabeth bennett, famed dramaturg and hot chick. some of us like to call her betty.

we had some bonding time with mother volansky, went shopping at viv pickle (check it out: http://vivpickle.com/) and had an impromptu dinner party with british nick, dp, ms. hogan and the boys. yummy all around. and good friends, well, you gotta have 'em. and i sure do.

i will not speak of the performance of the eagles last night. i fear i may be drafted into playing quarterback. it couldn't be any worse, could it. really?

a special shout-out to uncle cheezy, who achieved the masterful task of acquiring 8 -- count 'em -- 8 tickets to springsteen in richmond virginia. i'll be there. will you?

now, you may be wondering why this post is called "why we love the internet."

here are some reasons:

http://www.cafepress.com/busblog.15499153 -- mine is set to arrive on thursday.

laura perlow emailed the following joke:
Q: What is George W. Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?
A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

and then there is this picture:

i don't think i need to say anything else, do i?

keep the faith. and listen carefully to the answers john roberts is giving (or not giving) at his confirmation hearings.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

volansky

The Future

hello, friends,

i nearly went to bed tonight without reporting on what the ben and the kipper have been up to. i wish i had a cute cute picture to post, but as i am using a WC laptop, i don't have my archives.

at any rate, ben started 1st grade this year, about which he was distressed to learn that such an endeavor would involve 3 hours of homework a night. this was reported to him by either morgan c. or morgan j. (i can't remember which), who, as sister sue reported to me, "is repeating grade one and the reason, perhaps, that he had 3 hours of homework a night, was due to the fact that he (morgan c. or morgan j.), was, in fact, an idiot."

so that's him.

kipper, after MONTHS of patently refusing the believe (following in grand volansky/gowan -- okay just aunt shel fashion -- of denial) that she would be starting school, has become a faithful servant of mrs. jones' kindergarden class. mrs. jones, who i think is on par to rival mrs. kaliss for teaching consecutive family members (mrs. kaliss had the long-suffering task of teaching volansky children latin for 20 years...), is navigating the kipster well. however, the quote of the start of the school year comes from kipper herself. when asked about how it was all going, she answered "okay, except for the homework. i mean, i can't READ, how can i be expected to do HOMEWORK?!"

that's my girl.

at any rate, the kids, having barely survived sister sue's wish for them the first day of school (after checking in with niece abbie and nephew...? -- ask me about this if you are interested), the kids watched hurricane katrina's devastation. they set up their lemonade stand and promptly raised $27.13, which they sent to the red cross. the next day, ben wanted to set up the stand near the local grocer's, where he thought he'd make more money. for her part, kip said she would advertise to allow someone or family to live in her guest room.

it is things like that which assure me that i'll be in good hands when i am the dowager aunt i am meant to be...

again, red cross and the humane society. or ben and kip's lemonade stand.

withthispostidonthatefreedomsomuch,
volansky

Where to start...?

hello, friends,

i hope everyone is doing well and safe and staying out of trouble. i have LOTS of opinions about LOTS of things, but i will try to keep the tone straightforward.

i acknowledge that it is not george bush's fault that the levees in new orleans broke. it is my understanding that, for years (and decades), the army corps of engineers has been among the first to be cut off the list for monies.

however.

i do blame FEMA (thanks to playwright jane anderson for alerting me to what that actually stands for: Few Enlightened, Many Assholes) and the bush administration for a slow slow slow response. even herbert hoover, as head of the department of commerce in 1927 was able to raise $150,000 million in the first three hours after the tidal surge on the mississippi. and we all know what kind of leader herbert hoover was...

i can't believe that FEMA is run by a guy who, though once a general counsel to the agency, came directly from an arabian horse farm. i can't believe he had no idea that the people in the superdome needed immediate water and food. as josh marshall, at www.talkingpointsmemo.com asked, "doesn't anyone in this administration READ?" jeez.

i am happy to hear that we've moved away from the term "refugee" and toward "evacuees." i am thrilled that washington college has offered full room, board and tuition to 8 students impacted by katrina. i am a little irked by larry king, but grateful that he has not dealt with natalee holloway in a week.

i'm also thrilled that my parents got me AAAplus for christmas, because today, on the way to cordelia's vet in new jersey, i got my THIRD flat tire in the last 8 months. dear god. so, thanks to miller's towing for taking me and my little dog to get another tire, another spare, and a lovely cheese hoagie.

my parents also bought me a bike today. do you think they are trying to tell me something?

heard from rob in the 'do (that's what the "in crowd" calls hokkaido) today, who assures me that it is still a town filled with gothic lolitas and drunk salarymen. and for those of you anxiously awaiting photos, i say, "get a life." seriously. no, i intended to do it today, but, because of the flat, my plans were changed. perhaps sunday, while i watch the kickoff of the NFL season.

i will not be watching or participating in the "freedom march." i hope that you will continue to send food, clothes, money to the red cross or the humane society. and go WAC writer's union for launching a book drive to go to the kids at the astrodome. if you have old kid's books or coloring books, let me know and i'll tell you how to help.

i think i've babbled enough.

be good to each other. i'll talk to you all soon.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky

Labor Day

hello, friends,

so, this morning when i woke up and started thinking about what i was going to teach today (we had classes all day), i was reminded of a few things that my old neighbor in chicago used to say about labor day. i say "old neighbor" because, well, it was studs terkel and he is, indeed old. he also used to live in my neighborhood when i lived in chicago.

at any rate, studs, who always wore red white and blue, talked a great deal about the significance of labor day. he provided me (and anyone else waiting for either the bus or the el) with some information about the holiday that i seemed to have forgotten from my childhood schooling. here's a little bit of info you should know:

Labor Day: How it Came About; What it Means

"Labor Day differs in every essential way from the other holidays of
the year in any country," said Samuel Gompers, founder and longtime president of
the American Federation of Labor. "All other holidays are in a more or less
degree connected with conflicts and battles of man's prowess over man, of strife
and discord for greed and power, of glories achieved by one nation over another.
Labor Day...is devoted to no man, living or dead, to no sect, race, or nation."
Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor
movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American
workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers
have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

More than 100 years after the first Labor Day observance, there is
still some doubt as to who first proposed the holiday for workers.

Some records show that Peter J. McGuire, general secretary of the
Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners and a cofounder of the American Federation
of Labor, was first in suggesting a day to honor those "who from rude nature
have delved and carved all the grandeur we behold."

But Peter McGuire's place in Labor Day history has not gone unchallenged. Many believe that Matthew Maguire, a machinist, not Peter McGuire, founded the holiday. Recent research seems to support the contention that Matthew Maguire, later the secretary of Local 344 of the International Association of Machinists in Paterson, N.J., proposed the holiday in 1882 while serving as secretary of the Central Labor
Union in New York. What is clear is that the Central Labor Union adopted a Labor
Day proposal and appointed a committee to plan a demonstration and picnic.

The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5,
1882, in New York City, in accordance with the plans of the Central Labor Union.
The Central Labor Union held its second Labor Day holiday just a year later, on
September 5, 1883.

In 1884 the first Monday in September was selected as the holiday, as
originally proposed, and the Central Labor Union urged similar organizations in
other cities to follow the example of New York and celebrate a "workingmen's
holiday" on that date. The idea spread with the growth of labor organizations,
and in 1885 Labor Day was celebrated in many industrial centers of the country.

Through the years the nation gave increasing emphasis to Labor Day. The
first governmental recognition came through municipal ordinances passed during
1885 and 1886. From them developed the movement to secure state legislation. The
first state bill was introduced into the New York legislature, but the first to
become law was passed by Oregon on February 21, 1887. During the year four more
states — Colorado, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and New York — created the Labor
Day holiday by legislative enactment. By the end of the decade Connecticut,
Nebraska, and Pennsylvania had followed suit. By 1894, 23 other states had
adopted the holiday in honor of workers, and on June 28 of that year, Congress
passed an act making the first Monday in September of each year a legal holiday
in the District of Columbia and the territories.

The form that the observance and celebration of Labor Day should take were outlined in the first proposal of the holiday — a street parade to exhibit to the public "the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations" of the community, followed by a festival for the recreation and amusement of the workers and their families. This became the pattern for the celebrations of Labor Day. Speeches by prominent men and women were introduced later, as more emphasis was placed upon the economic and civic significance of the holiday. Still later, by a resolution of the American Federation of Labor convention of 1909, the Sunday preceding Labor Day was adopted as Labor Sunday and dedicated to the spiritual and educational aspects of the labor movement.

The character of the Labor Day celebration has undergone a change in
recent years, especially in large industrial centers where mass displays and
huge parades have proved a problem. This change, however, is more a shift in
emphasis and medium of expression. Labor Day addresses by leading union
officials, industrialists, educators, clerics and government officials are given
wide coverage in newspapers, radio, and television.

The vital force of labor added materially to the highest standard of
living and the greatest production the world has ever known and has brought us
closer to the realization of our traditional ideals of economic and political
democracy. It is appropriate, therefore, that the nation pay tribute on Labor
Day to the creator of so much of the nation's strength, freedom, and leadership
— the American worker.

never let it be said that this blog perpetuated ignorance.

on another note, as some of you may have been emailed, cordelia and i have been struck by the pain of the animals and their owners in the areas impacted by hurricane katrina. there are so many worthy organizations that deserve our help and financial support, but cordelia and i hope that you will join us in supporting the humane society of the united state. you can contribute to them by visiting their website at http://www.hsus.org/.

i am completely amazed that this site has now recorded over 1,000 readers! give yourselves a giant round of applause and get ready to buy me some gin and tonic -- we're cool.

finally, there have been many requests for photos. i have, in fact, gotten the pictures out of hoc (target) and will, hopefully this weekend, be able to post some of the great pictures from my trip to japan.

stay tuned.

our thoughts and prayers are with all of those folks down south -- remember, god was NOT punishing the sinful ways of new orleans. sometimes, nature just happens.

in the meantime,

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky

School!

hello, friends,

sorry to have been out of the loop (is anyone still reading??), but i've been trying to get myself back into the swing of things in anticipation of school starting tomorrow.

washington college hosted a lovely convocation, featuring richard brookheiser, who edited george's rules of civility. if you've not read what our favorite founding father had to say about how to behave, run, don't walk to get your own edition. he was a smart one, that fella.

several folks commented on my reaction to the proliferation of highway signs. of course, i know that they were originally installed to alert drivers of traffic jams, etc. what i find disconcerting is their new use as "tipster" alerts. i know we all need to be vigilant and somewhat cautious, but i find it really, well, orwellian (there, i said it) to have these things out there.

sometimes i think that USA Today is orwellian as well, for the record.

okay, enough with the politics.

i got my photos back from japan and once i get myself settled into this week, they shall be up for all to see.

enjoy the week, my friends, and stay in touch. please.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky

Signposts

hello, friends,

i don't know how many of you drive along major interstate, but, in going back and forth to Chestertown, i travel along I-95. over the last 6 months, a slightly disturbing thing has happened. cropping up at 5-15 mile intervals are large LED-type screens. they are ominous, big and bulky and seemed to appear almost out of nowhere (kind of like the boxes for USA Today back when that rag started).

now, in and of themselves, i wouldn't have a problem with these things. however, the message on them is more than a little disturbing: "report suspicious activity: call 800-TIPS" or some number that indicates one would be calling the department of homeland security or donald rumsfeld or something.



these things were, at least to my recollection, first used to notify drivers of "amber alerts," which was a fairly quick and effective way of getting the word out that a child was missing. this new usage is, um, alarming.

it reminds me a little too much of big brother, a little too much of a police state and a little, well, unwelcoming.

anyone else have any thoughts on this?

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky


ps if you type "Rumsfeld" into the yahoo search engine, one of the optional searches that comes up is "Rumsfeld angry". funny, right?

Where in the World...

hello, friends,

many of you know that i am an avid listener of NPR (my home station is www.whyy.org and in maryland i listen to www.wypr.org). i'll confess to a few rocky patches in our relationship. like, i was more than a little miffed when my old pal bob edwards was given the heave-ho. and i cannot figure out who, actually, the replacements are for "morning edition"(okay, maybe i don't want to know). and why oh why must michele norris pronounce her name like she does?

but perhaps my favorite element of NPR is senior european correspondent, sylvia poggoli. here she is:

isn't she darling?

and here is her bio:

Sylvia Poggioli is senior European correspondent for NPR's foreign desk and reports from Rome, Italy; the Balkans; other parts of Europe; and the Middle East. Poggioli can be heard on NPR's award-winning newsmagazines Morning Edition, All Things Considered, and Weekend Edition.

Since joining NPR's foreign desk in 1982, Poggioli's on-air analysis has encompassed the fall of communism in Eastern Europe, the turbulent civil war in the former Yugoslavia, and noteworthy coverage from Prague. In early 1991, she supplemented NPR's Gulf War coverage, reporting from London on European reactions to events surrounding the war.

In 2004, Poggioli was the inaugural recipient of the WBUR Foreign Correspondent Award, presented to an outstanding public radio foreign correspondent. In 2002, Poggioli received the Welles Hangen Award for Distinquished Journalism from Brown University. In 2000, Poggioli received an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree from Brandeis University. In 1994, Poggioli was elected a Fellow of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences "for her distinctive, cultivated and authoritative reports on 'ethnic cleansing' in Bosnia." In 1990, Poggioli spent an academic year at Harvard University as a research fellow at Harvard University's Center for Press, Politics, and Public Policy at the Kennedy School of Government.

From 1971 to 1986, Poggioli served as an editor on the English-language desk for the Ansa News Agency in Italy. Prior to her duties as editor, she worked at the Festival of Two Worlds in Spoleto, Italy. She was actively involved with women's film and theater groups.

Poggioli's reports on the Bosnian conflict earned two awards in 1993: the George Foster Peabody Award and the Edward Weintal Journalism Prize. She also won two awards in 1994, the National Women's Political Caucus/Radcliffe College Exceptional Merit Media Award and the Silver Angel Excellence in the Media Award. Poggioli was part of the NPR team that won the 2000 Overseas Press Club award for coverage of NATO's 1999 air war against Yugoslavia.

The daughter of Italian anti-fascists who were forced to flee Italy under Mussolini, Poggioli was born in Providence, Rhode Island, and grew up in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She graduated from Harvard College in 1968 with a bachelor's degree in romance languages and literature. She later studied in Italy under a Fulbright Scholarship.

poor sylvia has been all over the place and i've heard her sort of panicked sign-off from some of the worst trouble spots on the planet. "this is sylvia poggoli on the streets of sarajevo." or "this is sylvia poggoli from kirkuk." or even "this is sylvia poggoli from srebrencia." yikes.

i think she thought she had it made when she was on the papal death watch in rome, but, alas, off she goes to track the arrests of the alleged london bombers in rome.

i'll be tracking where sylvia is as she travels the globe. enjoy.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

volansky

The long journey home...

hello, friends,

i'm now back home in philly and i thought i'd share a wee bit about the trip home.

rob and i left his apartment in sapporo at 7 for the 2 hour ride to new chitose airport. we listened to our two favorite CDs in the ride:










we hung out a bit until i got on my flight at 11:00AM. it was so sad to say goodbye to him, but he swears he is coming home for christmas, so that is good news.

the flight from sapporo to tokyo(nagoya/chubu airport -- the new one!) was packed -- and i was the only white face on the plane. there were video screens at the front of each section and the craziest thing happened upon landing. the plane apparently had a camera at the front of it, so we could watch ourselves landing on the strip. nutty. and, after we landed, the video switched to the TV news, which seemed to be reporting on the earthquake, which had happened just about a half hour before. people started talking, but of course, it was in japanese (as was the news) and all i could figure out was that something was wrong with the bullet trains. however, as we were descending, the water in the inlet around the airport was red and really rocky looking. it wasn't until i got inside the airport to get online that i realized that the earthquake had hit.

next, i took a flight to san francisco and again, every seat was packed. while i was sitting in the lounge, i observed a guy talking to everyone in the area. i thought, "dear god, please don't let chatty charlie sit next to me. it's THAT GUY that i just can't stand." of course, he was my seat mate and of course, at one point, he had his 3-year-old son take his seat for about 2 hours. oy. so there was no sleeping there, either.

i had originally planned to spend the night of the 16th in san francisco with the lovelies holli and robin, but all i wanted to do was get home (i had gotten an ear infection on the frickin' mountain...alas, not SARS, lois). i pleaded my case to a ticketing agent, who told me on the DL that there was "job action" happening with the mechanics. i said i didn't care, he waived all fees and wished me good luck.

so, the 8:25 AM flight that i lucked into still hadn't taken off when he put me on it at 10AM and in reality it didn't go until 1PM, putting me into minneapolis at 6:30. i missed my 5PM connection time, but was able to be rebooked on a 7:17PM. a dash through the airport, a regrets phone call to liz and MBD and one bottle of water later and i was on my fourth packed flight of the "day," this time headed for philly and home.

mama and dad picked me up at the airport at 11PM, bearing the girl and a cheese hoagie.

it was the longest tuesday, august 16th in recorded history. but i was home.

i did a little unpacking, ate the hoagie, sat up with ms. jess and went to sleep around 2. i had started my laundry, thinking i'd get up at some point to do it.

however, when i finally emerged, at 9PM on wednesday, jess had finished both loads. cordy, meanwhile, slept right next to my head for all 18 hours without asking to eat or be let out.

wednesday night i had another greatly missed meal -- pizza. and i got caught up on the missing episodes of ENTOURAGE. if you are one of the few people not addicted to these 4 cherubs and their prickly agent (played superbly by the finally-getting-his-due jeremy piven), run don't walk to your HBO agent to get it. or, check out http://www.hbo.com/entourage/index.html. look at how cute they all are!:



i have some final thoughts on the trip, as well as some questions about the future of this blog, so stay tuned in the next day or so. photos are also due sometime friday or saturday, so they'll be posted. in the meantime, look at how sad rob looks since i've been gone:






and thanks for being a part of my journey. i hope to see you all soon.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky

Safe and sort of sound

konnichiwa, friends,

i'm in the states!

i arrived about an hour ago into san fran airport, pleaded my way into a flight home tonight, only to find that northwest is experiencing a series of "job actions" and i may be here for a wee bit.

a few things of note: i think i saw the earthquake from my flight in, but i can't be sure.

don tells me that christopher walken is running for president (see www.walken2008.com) and brother-in-law chris points out that the rude pundit has a show in the NY fringe...

just another day in america.

more later, but i am back in country.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky

New Best Friend

A Must-Forward...

konnichiwa, friends,

what follows was sent to me by maureen o'brien and is so worth reading, i can't stand it. visit the website -- you won't regret it.

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from.

If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power.

Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage.

We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease. I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t. You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.



Get Involved!
The addresses, phone, fax, and emails for the Kansas School Board can be found here. Contact them, and ask that they respond to my letter.

I am hearing reports that some of the members are using email auto-responders. I suggest faxing them. Faxes are harder to ignore.

Contact the media, tell them you support Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. They can't ignore us forever.

RESPONSES FROM THE KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

Response from Mrs. Janet Waugh - District 1 - 6/25/05
Response from Mrs. Sue Gamble - District 2 - 6/26/05
Still awaiting responses from the rest of the Board.

INTERESTING EMAILS I HAVE RECEIVED
Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 ... I have thousands more.

Current favorite email:

Bobby,
Today I was blessed to receive a divine revelation from our AlmightyFlying Spaghetti Monster. I have the privilege of informing you thatit is His will that I become His Bride, in order that the Savior ofmankind (who is to be called Macaroni) may be born on this earth. TheFSM has revealed to me that your body is to be the vehicle by whichhis holy seed shall be transmitted in earthly form.

To that end, I have reserved a room for us at the Best Western AirportInn, Boise, Idaho, for the evening of [removed]. I will bethe woman wearing the WWFSMD t-shirt and eye patch.
I look forward to meeting you and fulfilling the will of our noodly master.

Julie Boise, Idaho

Apparently there may be some problems with the mugs:


Dear Bobby,

I have recently purchased one of your coffee mugs, but it is giving meno end of grief. Every time I put coffee, hot chocolate, or hot tea inthe mug, it instantly transubstantiates into what I assume is the bloodof the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It sort of looks like marinara sauce,but I'm afraid to taste it. Curiously, when I put wine into the mug,it just turns into a nice, full-bodied chianti -- beer does the samething. Is there any act of sacrifice or ritual that I can perform tostop these miracles from occurring? While I bask in His greatness andI am truly awed by His power, I'm also kind of thirsty. Any advice would be welcome.

Sebastian [xxxxxxxxx], Ph.D.
Austin.Texas

Just got this one:

Bobby,Your letter to the Kansas School Board gave me a good laugh. It's the kind of move that Saul linsky would have loved.
I'm a Christian, pray at night, and get a lot out of my faith. At the same time, I don't confuse Christianity with Science for one minute, and I would not want Christianity taught in schools. There is a simple reason for this: Christianity can be a powerful transformative force in people's lives when it is taken as faith ... one part decision and another part a leap into the unknown. Reducing Christianity to a history drains all the juice out of it. You have to take that leap yourself. It's a road or a path that some people chose ... it's not even vaguely related to facts as discovered by science. Christianity is neither a fact nor a theory ... it's a religion.
Peace, Kevin

WHY YOU SHOULD CONVERT TO FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTERISM

Flimsy moral standards.
Every friday is a relgious holiday. If your work/school objects to that, demand your religious beliefs are respected and threaten to call the ACLU.
Our heaven is WAY better. We've got a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano.

saturday sunday monday

konnichiwa, friends,

well, the time is slowly slipping by and i am getting ready to leave tomorrow morning. it's sad, but i've had a rock star time.

saturday night's lunacy started with some fantastic mexican food, a quick trip to shosukedon, which features one of my favorite toys. this is it:

this little gem is a remote-controlled object and we had great fun having it stand it line at the bus stop just outside the bar, chasing small children and creeping up on people as they walked past. hours of enjoyment, that one.

the next trip took us to "L bar" with two friends of rob's, sebastian (from germany) and martin (from california). we had one of those "all you can drink" thingies for about 2 hours and, um, well, it snowballed into rollicking hilarity in a karaoke box. in japan, instead of full-blown bars with drunken sailors and strangers, one can go into a box with one's friends and get served a whole lot of drinks while you sing joyfully out of key. rob and i started off with "my hometown," which set a lovely tenor for the evening. highlights include a moving rendition of "my way" done by sebastian, "i think we're alone now" given by martin and my star turn at "borderline." it was not good. we were very loud. however, the true highlight of the evening was rob and shel tackling that perennial favorite, "peaceful easy feeling," sung in tribute to sister sue. s, you are so lucky we couldn't later figure out how to use a calling card, or you would have gotten a silly silly phone call.

sunday morning, fighting hangovers (and succumbing to mcdonald's for lunch -- hey sometimes you just need fried food...), we journeyed to mombetsu, which is where rob was a JET for two years. it's beautiful and peaceful and rob said that he had a great great time there. we drove along the coast of the pacific and took some pictures of a lighthouse for mama. we stayed in a "business hotel" -- our first hotel stay since i arrived -- and i think we got fleeced. in retaliation, i wanted to take the yukata home, but rob was afraid of board of education reprisals, so i demurred. however, we did have a great dinner, izakaya style, which essentially has you and a bunch of friends sitting on the floor ordering tapas-size plates. we were joined by two of rob's co-teachers, a basketball coach/science teacher (sound familiar? he's taller than rob!) and a music/art teacher. two very different guys, but they clearly adored rob. we then went to a hostess bar (i had NO idea it was a hostess bar), where a bunch of Filipino jockeys (mombetsu is horse-farm country -- think lexington) were singing the theme from "titanic."

rob says that the things that crack me up seem odd to him, because, after traveling for 7 years, nothing odd sort of phases him. however, lunch today really put a nice spin on the entire trip. we ate at "half-dime: an old fashioned mine style restaurant."

this is what occurred. it is a huge old-looking building, with a lot of wood and carvings on the outside. when you walk in the door, you are greeted by a low moan and puffs of smoke. upon being presented with the menu, one learns that it is a "roast beef" restaurant. rob ordered some of the house special, while i ordered some pasta.

it was brought to us by our waiter, an italian who had been in japan for 3 weeks. bob marley was playing on the speakers.

in summary: i ate spaghetti in a "wild west meets pirates of the caribbean" themed restaurant served by an italian while listening to reggae.

and so i plan my return.

tonight's dinner is with aika, evan, tomomi and hironko, probably izakaya again. we have to be out of the house by 7:30AM to get to new chitose airport.

sigh.

it is likely i'll next check in with you all from tokyo. in the meantime, be good to each other.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

volansake

Yukata for Everyone!

konnichiwa, friends,

one of the highlights of yesterday afternoon was spending a little time shopping with rob and aika. rob has been fairly adamant that i buy a yukata, or japanese robe, and enlisted aika's help in finding one.

she, like many japanese, is a diligent shopper, and within minutes of meeting up with her, we were rummaging through the racks in a yukata shop.

for those of you who do not know what one looks like, here is a photo:

mine is not as saucy as the one above and i clearly do not have the grace or charm to look as casual as she does (or, frankly, the ability to stand on one foot like that...), but it is beautiful purple (for liz!) with a grey/silver bow. the bow, by the way, is called an obi and the one i got is sort of like the japanese version of a clip-on tie. i had visions of me getting totally tangled up on the tying if i bought one that was not already, um, creased and bowed.

the acquisition was made all that more significant because aika noted that there was going to be a yukata party in town, to which rob replied, "great, a bunch of japanese women in yukatas and dirtbag gaijin trying to pick them up..." rad brothers, the bar we wound up at last night (see other post), was several doors down and sure enough, lots of drunken folks, wearing yukatas and being all western-y. funny.

we also spent some time buying sake, which was an adventure. i wanted to see if i could ship some, but couldn't quite make it work. hopefully, they won't break in transit and i'll be able to offer some of you some drinks one night in philly or chestertown.

the three of us ate on the 3rd floor of the TV tower, about which sapporans (i know that that is just not right...) are very proud. the meal, while uneventful, was highlighted by the weird pirate motif of the restaurant. i also found myself completely confusing the young waitress (who had to wear a very unfortunate uniform/costume).

i just spent a fair amount of time trying to find an image of the hokkaido mascot, which is so cute and silly. he's green and amorphous and sort of snail-like, without the shell. i may have to bring one back... however, since i can't find that image, i'll share a photo of one of my new favorite japanese items:

his name is yu darvish and he's the 18 year old iranian/japanese (go persians!) hotshot pitcher for the hokkaido nippon ham fighters. i'm not quite sure what a "ham fighter" is, but, let's be honest...who cares?

not quite sure what we're doing tomorrow -- rob wanted to "camp" on a beach, but we're not sure.

i'm feeling a little homesick for the girl and the house, and feel like i may be ready to head back. however, there is definitely another trip in my future...next stop -- tokyo!

hugs and kisses to all, especially to ms. krieg who chimed in to say that brian is recovering from the geekfest known as COMDEX in vegas, and to provide details on the barrymore nominations -- go PTC, as well as to mmmmmmmmary who is curious as to how she will survive without these postings from japan. to her, i say, honey, you need a hobby!

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

volansake

Friday Night in Sapporo

konnichiwa, friends,

it is a lazy saturday here in sapporo. it is also nearing the end of the summer shopping season, and so we have SALES SALES SALES all over the place. i have completely given up on buying any sort of clothing, as asians are just built differently than us mick/slovak types. even shoes are funny in size. tee-shirts galore, however, including one from hokkaido university, where we went yesterday afternoon. it is a lovely campus, but, alas, not good old washington college.

speaking of which, ron chernow, who won the first george washington book prize for his great great biography alexander hamilton will be speaking in chestertown on september 15th. this is a gentle nudge to my smartie pants pal nick quinn rosenkranz to get his butt over the bay bridge. and then we shall have dinner. 'k?

last night was big big fun. rob played the part of 1990s rock star, while i basked in the identity of an aging deadhead dowager aunt. we hopped over to rad brothers, which is described like this:

Rad Brothers South 7 West 3 Mitsuwa Bldg. 1 FThose two sister bars are the hottest places in town. Rad Brothers I is the place to meet foreigners and japanese who want to meet foreigners. On Fridays and Saturdays this place is really hot (after 11 pm). They play quite loud music, so deep conversations are a little bit difficult. If you like even louder music, you have to descend to Rad Brothers II. This cellar bar plays loud hardrock music, while displaying videoclips on three big video screens. Sometimes it's a little bit quiet, but when it's crowded it's a very hot spot.

or this:

Rad Brothers - The ultimate gaijin hang-out! Ask any gaijin in Sapporo about the weirdest place to go and he/she'll direct you to Rad. It's the kind of place where all the night owl weirdos go to party until 6am at weekends. I had kind of a love-hate relationship with Rad, because some weekends it was just too strange, with guys dancing naked on the tables and shit and there's nothing to put you off your Asahi then some guys 3 incher in your face. But at Rads you can meet some of the very coolest people in Sapporo. I came across hostesses, strippers, hookers, famous musicians, millionaires, queers, steers, you name it. I remember meeting some Japanese who'd studied abroad - believe me, you haven't laughed until you see a Japanese trying to do an impression of Taxi Driver "You lookin' at me? You must be looking at me cos theres nobody else here!? Shitheel.." Bloody hilarious!!. I picked up a lot of girls here, I mean, don't forget it is obviously a gaijin bar, and so you've got to question the motives of any Japanese chicks or guys going there, as I'd say most of them are looking for love of the Caucasian persuasion, the only problem being you tend to find a lot of the nutcase women here, you know the type, artistic types that get out of bed at midnight and believe that every conversation has to be radical, and question they're whole meaning of life every second of the day. These chicks can be a pain in the ass, but they're okay for a lay. Anyway, Rad is the kind of place you go to chill and have a tequila as the sun comes up and nothing really kicks off until late, but once it does you'll know it, as there is no crazier place to be in Sapporo than Friday night in Rads after 11. It's located around South 5, or, just along the main road that leads into Susikino, quite close to Nakajima Koen. With any luck the gay black guy who constantly hovers around the bar has died by now.

it seems as though the gay black guy has, in fact, died, as he was nowhere to be found.

we did have some grand fun, however, when we met up with one of rob's japanese friends and her "man friend" who we simply call "him." there's a great story there, with a lot of opportunity for self-reflection. let's just say that they have a "complicated" relationship and leave it at that, for the moment.

we were swigging back the cocktails (hey, i got my first -- and tenth -- just kidding -- gin and tonic in japan!) when out of the corner of my eye, i spotted "the twins." the volansky siblings think that twins are as hilarious as nuns, so rob and i greeted them with what can only be described as an invigorating and overzealous round of "konnichiwas!" great hilarity.

we hung around there for a while, until we went back to rob's for a little breather. i was very close to utter exhaustion, so rob and "team japan" went out galavanting. before you all cry out, "oh volansake, you have finally crashed!", know that i just could not go out. and, given the fact that rob met up with aika and they went to a place called booty, where they were witness to a wet tee-shirt contest, i can only say "thank god i was so spent." (this morning, aika said, "we saw titties!")

and so, here i sit, resting a bit with some generic music playing at the cafe. who knows what tonight might bring?

gotohellifyoulovefreedom,
volansake

random acts and observations

so, for the record, rob says that it is "konnichiwa."

and thus, i shall begin again:

konnichiwa, friends,

i feel like i have settled back into existence, though some of the soreness has not subsided. yesterday was spent wandering around sapporo, looking for a robe thingie. no luck, but did have a lovely journey through a department store named "robinson's". think strawbridge and clothier, only bigger. the japanese women sure are clothes horses.

a word on them. the japanese men are so winning. japanese women, regardless of age or creed, are stunningly beautiful. the westerners who come here obviously hook up with them because they are just so gorgeous. i don't think that japanese men fully appreciate what they have on their hands. but, like many men, they are devoid of clue.

i've been trying to find a way to articulate two tiny little issues i have with the culture here; mind you, they are small, because i am totally loving it.

but what, for the love of mary, inspired them to put fluorescent lights everywhere??? you all know how much of a blanche dubois complex i have, so you might imagine the torture i suffer every time a light is flicked on or i walk into yet another store beaming out those god-awful rays.

whew. i feel much better to have gotten that off my chest.

the other tiny little issue i have is with the bathrooms. they are those hoody-things and frankly, i just cannot master them at all. for a culture that so worships the bath, one would think that they would find a way to prevent urine from dripping all over. or maybe i should shut up and squat like everyone else...

a few shout-outs today.

i got the divine ms. bennett's new home address today and let us all give her a big round of applause for all that she's accomplished in the last couple of months. she's a superb individual and i could not be more proud of her.

there's a nod to john schratweiser at the prince theater (check it out: www.princetheatre.org) who just forgot that i was going to japan. and i see aimee expressing concern about rafting, while kristy admits to eating fudgie the whale. new friend rhys suggests that perhaps a little hiking can be in my future, because the views can be so spectacular -- i'll give it the old college try, my friend. finally, mollymollymolly has emailed some photos from her internship in philly. here's one i like a great deal:

mollymollymolly in a dinosaur egg. nice.

last night, rob and i did some laundry and ate at an AMAZING japanese restaurant. it was totally low-key, a mom and pop thingie, but the food was outstanding. i had a tempura meal, which came with like eight thousand sides (think of a restaurant version of the much-loved bento box). two glasses of sake and i was happy happy happy. rob and i then rented a movie.

let me preface this by saying that i dissed this movie on its initial release. but if both cher AND meryl streep can act in it, then i have to nod in deference. here's the movie poster...

maybe i am revealing a little too much about how much fun we're having, but this movie has made us giggle for 24 straight hours. not bad, right?

at any rate, we're planning a big night out in sapporo, so i'll sign off here. in the meantime, i continue to search for floaty pens for lois and a sushi roller for veronica, as well as refridgerator magnets for chez volansky/hogan, mama and sue.

be good to each other. time is running out, and i'll be back in the US around the 17th...sigh.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

volansake

WAC is back -- and some joyful news

konishiwa, friends,

well, after some shaming, i have heard from the folks in and around chestertown. here's what they have to say:

maria reported that chincoteague was splendid, though she did fear that the famed chincoteague mosquitoes, feeling slightly empowered, might carry off dylan and drop her somewhere on the pony trail. i know i speak for the team when i say that i'm glad that everyone made it back safely.

she also reported, from wendy, that maureen o'brien's (wow, too many apostrophes, huh?) things would be fetched from chestertown in the coming days in anticipation of their transport to st. cloud, minnesota. again, speaking for the team: mo, we will miss you greatly...

dr. bob checked in to say that things in annapolis are swell, though he had the gall to mention grading CNW papers. as someone who is slightly behind in the work arena -- you suck. i also sort of wish that i had, in fact, brought along my PDA to download some things for the trip. however, the "japan times" is keeping me apprised of the latest news and info from the rest of the world.

hey: let us all raise a glass in honor of peter jennings, shall we?

i also heard good things from the lovely and talented kate moncrief, who shared some photos of her recent trip to france to witness the "lanceathon" from the tour de france.

nice nice nice. we love men in yellow. she and i are plotting some co-teaching, so beware.

dale daigle, oh how i miss thee...and hey, where are polly, tim and jason? check in, please. larry gets the shiny gold star for the drama department.

on the student front, kate amann reported that professor mooney delivered his notes for the review, so that great journal is on track to be delivered in the fall. stay tuned for the date of the release party -- it looks awesome!!

also checking in were matt biringer and michelle disney and perhaps most importantly, baby mina! we all love the students, but we adore baby mina.

i mean, honestly, it puts it all back into perspective, right?

on another front, i had some awesome news from my friend liz. i don't want to announce anything prematurely, but let me just say that i have never been happier for anyone. if there is anyone who deserves good things coming her way, it is ms. liz. you are the bees-knees, pal o'mine, and i wish i could buy you a drink right now.

off to do some more shopping and wandering.

thanks for checking in. hugs and love to all.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

volansake

i'm not that kind of girl!

konishiwa, friends,

thanks for all of the good words about making it up and down the mountains. i was sort of fearful about how the rental units would respond, but mama, in true form, cheered me on. she also shared a wee bit about her recent trek along the appalachian trail with mrs. leone (suspiciously, she makes no mention of daddy and mr. leone -- i suspect that they were either golfing or at a bar...).

so, while i was cruising along mt. yotei, one of the revelations i had was about the kind of person i am. i realized that i was NOT the kind of girl that likes to climb mountains. i actually shouted that out to the ether. rob and aika are at the beach today, which leads me to revelation number 2: i am not the kind of girl who can do a lot of outdoorsy stuff and then jump right back into it.

i am a certain kind of girl (insert your own damn joke here...jerks), but not that kind.

i guess that, as can be expected, i have done some self-exploration on this trip. rob and i had a running "argument" as to whether or not he should be, at 30 years old, dating a 22-year old. after some long conversations, and after watching SIDEWAYS, i think it is just fine.

first, this is rob's new best friend:

does that explain everything? my brother is a remarkable person who has done things and gone to places that i cannot even imagine. they are not better or superior things or places, just different. i may have said this before, but his goal is to make people happy and to change the world, one person at a time. if there is anyone who might be able to do this, it is rob and his friend.

however, i've been to places and done some things that he cannot imagine. not better or superior, just different. one of the great things about spending time with one's siblings is seeing how we've evolved from basically the same gene pool and environment. a shout-out to the parents for raising us so well.

SIDEWAYS revealed a side of my life that rob doesn't understand, just as hiking a mountain revealed a side of rob that i didn't understand. i know the insecurities of paul giamatti's character and i love the idea of sitting and having a picnic with some valued friends. i like cooking and drinking wine and laughing and telling stories. not better or superior, just different. perhaps the world could be a better place if we recognized that different things are okay, too.

so, in order to balance out all that sap, here's my favorite thing from the onion this week:

that goes out to michael and jason.

now happily back in sapporo civilization (though there is a chance that rafting may be in our future for sunday), where today's activity involves the acquisition of a robe, the japanese name of which is completely escaping me.

i had a sort of curious thing happen at the onsen last night. we went to yet a different one and as i was starting to strip naked, an ancient woman who was sort of the attendant came over to me, pointed her long bony finger at my tattoo and said "no no no." i then remembered rob saying that some onsens forbid tattoos because they are the symbol of the japanese mafia, the yakuza. after a bit of back and forth, we settled upon a solution: she got me another little onsen towel and tied it loosely around my tat to cover it up. she was most pleasant about it. but isn't the idea that i could be a member of the japanese mafia sort of amusing?

i'll leave you with that. more in a bit.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

volansake

Mohammed and the Mountain

konishiwa, friends,

i am writing this while i am experiencing a huge amount of pain in nearly every muscle, joint and nerve in my body. yesterday, we did this:

this is mt. yotei, which is a dormant strato-volcano, 1898m high. it's Japanese nickname is ezo-fuji, because of it's resemblance to the other mountain that only idiots decide to climb.

we did it. i hated every minute of it, it was NOT fun, the summit, while truly awe-inspiring, was just so exhausting to reach. i cannot cannot cannot believe we climbed it. it stands in niseko like some giant monster, challenging you, encouraging you, offering you things. it is a MOUNTAIN.

it took us about 51/2 hours to climb to the lodge, where we stayed with two other guys, one of whom was setting up an amateur radio antenna. the other we nicknamed "happy japanese" because he just grinned. he wanted to practice his english out on us. i didn't have the heart to tell him how bad it was. but, then again, my japanese is really bad. the proprietor smelled like whiskey, looked like Methuselah and had a cute dog named "locu". he begged like cordelia, which was nice.

here's a word i learned: gombatte, which means "go, man, go." we said that a lot on the mountain.

after we reached the lodge, we sat for a wee bit, then decided to tackle the summit. it took a long long time and it looked like the freakin' moon. the descent back to the lodge is where it got dicey. a huge fog rolled in and darkness was approaching. i'm not going to lie; i cursed a great deal, yelled a lot at rob and ultimately just cried and cried as i looked into the dark recesses of my soul. yikes, right?

but we made it. slept a bit (the floor was VERY hard), woke up around 4:30, when rob went to take pictures of the sunrise. i demurred that round of ascent, and woke up for the descent around 6:30. we made it to the foot basecamp at 10:54.

i can honestly say that that was the hardest physical activity i have EVER done. i will NEVER do it again. but i did it.

tonight: onsen, a yummy dinner and lots of sleep. rob and aika want to go to the beach tomorrow. i think i will rest. i've earned it.

hope all is well in your respective worlds. i am a little homesick and miss each of you a great deal. it always takes a trip to see the value of home, right?

for this post, i have to resort to rob's sign-off.

peacelovegodbless,

volansky

ps rob and i are back on speaking terms...

When the Love Ends

konishiwa, friends,

there comes a time when even the deepest of sibling relationships goes sour. mine and rob's went south when, unsurprisingly, we went south.

here's an account of sunday.

we woke up at a reasonable time, around 10AM, and decided that we would go to the beach and slum around. around 10:30, however, senator tarkington called, and said he was coming over to do a suitcase swap (he's heading back to the states soon). while in the crib, he noted that he and his lady-friend tomomi were going to climb mt. tarumae, a short jaunt away. rob said, "we're going" and before i could say "boo," he was making plans to camp later before heading to hirafu to see nick and rika.

this is the mountain:

here is some information about the mountain:

"This mountain stands at 1,041 meters and is composed of three separate formations. The dome, formed after a major eruption in 1909, is uniquely shaped and is one of a kind in the world. Although a dome had existed prior to that eruption, it was quickly destroyed and replaced by the second dome. This phenomenon caused Mt. Tarumae to be nicknamed ﾒthe rejuvenated volcano.ﾓ The present dome is about 100 meters in height and 450 meters in diameter. It is popular among citizens as the ﾒmountain of their home town.ﾓ More than 50,000 hikers, including school children and citizens, crowd to the mountain annually. With Lake Shikotsu below, the Pacific Ocean and Tomakomai City in the distance, the top of the mountain offers a panoramic view of the magnificent nature of Hokkaido."

here is a list of emotions i went through while climbing this mountain, in the order in which they were experienced:

ineptitude

despair

hostility

rage

coming to terms with an inability to summit

summit and joy

rob, for all of his planning, neglected to get us breakfast or water. i hated him.

once we descended (okay, i'll admit that there was joy), we took off to an onsen, where i discovered my new favorite feature of an onsen: a waterfall with pulsating water to massage one's neck. it rocks.

we then headed to hirafu, where we stopped at jo-jos and satisfied my cheese craving in the form of yummy pizza and an avacado salad (with cheese). dillman, you would have been proud.

we settled in at the pimp apartment rented by kiwi nick and japanese rika, two lovely individuals. they were awesome in their hospitality. while "the boys" went off to play with their "band" we made a delicious dinner -- i found a new way to cook salmon! lots of good stuff.

slept in western style beds, which was odd after a week on a futon, but it was cool and comfy, so i slept like a baby, in preparation for the events of tuesday. stay tuned...

it sounds like both kipper and ben as well as cordelia gave the parents a run for their money, which is always a good thing. thanks to mama v for sharing all the news. i miss you all!

gotohellifyouhatefreedom

volansake

Beer Gardens, Twins, Sibling Silliness

konishiwa, friends,

it has been pointed out to me that i may be spelling "konishiwa" wrong, but i have a license to ill here in japan, so i'm going to keep up with the way i've been spelling it.

i finally found the 100Yen store and boy are you all going to be happy. lots of treats for all, lots of kitsch for the kiddies from WAC and all sorts of nonsense. shelley and rob also found the sex, drugs and rock and roll store, which created all kinds of hilarity for us.

around 4PM on saturday, rob and i met up with aika and her chums yuri and boone at the beer garden, where we had a kickass time. we also met "the twins", fellas doing some sort of biological research at hokkaido university. twins seem to crack me up (sorry, aimee...), particularly when they function as a unit like these two do. we hung around there until about 7, when we mozied back to the crib for a shower. imagine our surprise when we discovered a huge parade, celebrating the susukino festival. lots of drums, men wielding big huts and all sorts of drumming. i got lots of photos, so i'll post them when i return home.

we had intended on showering and returning to the festival, but time and energy got the best of us, so we sat around and got silly. a few things:

1. heretofore, jackson browne's haircut is to be referred to as a blunth. we volanskys like to coin words, so there's one for this trip.
2. because of the inability to return to the JET program after one leaves it, it has been decreed that one is evidently NOT a JET for life, as the song would indicate -- that one goes out to larry, who appreciates it most.
3. finally, as it was so FREAKIN' hot, we were yearning for carvel ice cream, which prompted the question: which do you recall, cookie puss or fudgie the whale? please advise.

there are several items worth noting, but we simply cannot share everything now, can we? however, if anyone remembers (sue) the name of stoy school's music teacher, we'd be most pleased.

saturdays in sapporo are most fun!

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansake

Onsens, etc.

konishiwa, friends,

it's saturday here in sapporo and that can only mean one thing...well, i don't really know what it means. there's just a lot of happy-looking people walking around, there's a big street festival on odori (one of the main drags) that is featuring drumming and perhaps the biggest news: the disney store opened here in sapporo.

yesterday involved some walking around(wearing an according to goldman t-shirt, which the japanese pointed at and laughed at, confirming my suspicion that bruce graham is NOT big in japan), but i think it was the hottest day ever, so it wasn't as productive as i had hoped. i again failed in my search for the 100Yen store. i totally suck.

i did wander into the disney store and i can only describe it aurally. it sounded like an aviary. lots of japanese pre-teens getting all excited over mickey and his chums. i did buy some small souveniers for the kids...you'll see when i get home. i spent some time in a store called "don quixote" looking for underwear, but i could only find lacy, frilly things. the japanese are not fond of straight-up cotton, apparently.

i also spent some time with my feet in the water of the creek at nakajima park, right across the street from rob. i splashed a little with 2 5-year old girls who kept creeping closer and smiling at me. they reminded me of kipper in a particularly girly moment. one of them was with her little brother who was unabashedly gleeful. so so cute.

speaking of water (this is, after all, an island...) last night rob and i went to an onsen, which was AWESOME. hot baths, cold baths, whirlpools, something that looked like a pool with a powerstrip thrown into it (i did go in, which was perhaps not a great idea) and then the outdoor component. it was so relaxing, despite the little boy who growled at me and said "geijin". i don't think he was using it in the general sense. i growled back. was that okay?

we then went and ate 2500YEN worth of sushi at a conveyor belt sushi place. yum yum yum. we were both beat, so no beer or sake, just some really chill chats. rob then met up with aika and i went home to bed.

we've spent today running errands, doing laundry, and doing some prepping for the next couple of days. i think we'll camp on the beach tomorrow, head to niseko and then mombetsu. the days feel complete and not at all rushed. i feel like i've been here for ages -- it's good.

having spent a couple of hours naked yesterday at the onsen, i feel confident that all the walking that i have been doing is a good thing. the japanese women are tiny, but i don't feel like i have to barf or temper what and how i eat. we're just different. i am also slowly overcoming the feeling that i am an oafish american. or perhaps i have embraced it...one of the two is correct, i'm sure.

words of love to dillmansky, mary hagy and wc gal jill kroos, all of whom have weighed in. we're now at 230-something on the count -- excellent!

at some point i am going to have to comment on the bolton appointment, gw's alignment with the steroid-using baseball player and the 60th anniversary of the bombings of hiroshima and nagasaki, but for the moment, i'll direct your attention to www.thewashingtonnote.com for some thoughtful analysis on these subjects and others.

time to continue the hunt for the elusive 100YEN store. we're also going to buy some produce (note to brian) for the trip in an open air market. it looks particularly fresh.

much love to all of you.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansake

Matsu-Ken Samba!

konishiwa, friends,

i hope this finds all of you well. i've had some lovely check-ins from sister sue (more on her later), from nick p. rye (who reminded me that british pubs close at 11PM, not at 10PM, as i had posted yesterday). sorry for the confusion there, team.

i've also heard from laura perlow, who said she would write more, but had broken her wrist in a rollerblading accident. why anyone would pursue this ridiculous activity is beyond me (sorry, laura, that anger is driven by my own clumsiness...).

we had hellos from washington college, in the form of co-captain larry, from mollymollymolly and from kate amann. on the alum front, keeza chimed in with her own bits of japanese. here's a song that i feel confident i'll be singing later, 'round the campfire:

Po-ke-to-ah naka-nena
biskeet-oa eeeet-tot-sue!
Po-ke-to-an ta-ta-keba
biskeet-oa foo-tat-sue!

(Exclamations for emphasis - it's an important part of the song)

Translated, it means:

I have a biscuit in my pocket.
I tap my pocket.
I have two biscuits in my pocket.

how fun is that?

finally, aimee weighed in to say that the word for gin is "schochu," so we'll be checking that out later this evening.

several sightings of the goth lolitas, in full regalia. their ways still frighten and confuse me...

last night, after sweating up a storm in the apartment (rob made some AWESOME fried rice for me and hokkaido evan), he and i journeyed to his favorite bar here in sapporo. it is called Shosukedon and it is sapporo's answer to the much-beloved pat's pub. it looks like it should be on a beach in thailand, with low low ceilings, about 5 stools at a bar (behind which the grinning Okachin cooks and pours). there is also one of those low tables where you take off you shoes and sit. finally, and this is important, there are two little tables jutting out on the sidewalk. this last bit is important because, shortly after our arrival, 3 of hokkaido's finest arrived to give the bartender Kumagae-san a hard time about how far the tables were. sitting at the table was a drunken regular, his lady-friend and two old salarymen. all shouted and hooted at the coppers, which rob said was very out of character for the japanese. it was fun to watch, though.

the highlight of the evening was the singing of the latest craze here, "matsu ken samba".

here's a picture of the guy who sings it:

i don't think i have to say anymore, do i? suffice to say, the salarymen, drunk girls and the regulars singing it puts al gore doing the makarena to shame shame shame. if anyone wants a CD, do let me know and i'll be happy to bring one back.

today's activity involves attempt number 3 to find the 100Y store. i've searched high and low and, given my ability to navigate, have come up empty-handed. i have high hopes today.

last night, after our visit to Shosuskedon, rob and i, having had a bit of sake, had our first argument on the topic of the heat and what i could or could not wear to bed. we were yearning for the reasoned presence of sister sue. this trip has been amazing in so many ways, but we both concur that it would be perfect if sue were with us on the journey. so, sue, we raise our sake glass to you. we sing the matsu-ken samba and eat biscuits for you.

sue also provided the winning signatory for this blog -- which is below. she's a champ, right team?

i look forward to future comments and emails. thanks to all of you for weighing in.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

volansake

Tourist Michele

konishiwa, friends,

hey, check me out -- i'm down with the lingo!

thursday marked a couple of firsts for me here in japan. i found my way through a subway transfer to go have lunch with rob on his break from the conference, had my first real sushi and had a healthy dose of sake last night. it was a momentous day.

i also had the good fortune to do some local sightseeing. my toodling around took me to the original government building in hokkaido, lovingly called "the red brick." here's what it looks like:

the place was teeming with schoolchildren on holiday, but there are some really lovely quiet places in this building. it reminds me a little of independence hall in philly. there's this great room that has on the walls pictures of all of the past governors of hokkaido. they are all stern-looking japanese men, which is funny, since hokkaido evan told me last night that the current governor is a woman. nice, right?

i also found my way to the sapporo train station, which is amazing in its hustle and bustle. check it out:

i've been in penn station and grand central at rush hour and they pale in comparison. i can't imagine what the tokyo train stations are like.

the JR sapporo has what they call a T38 tower, where one can ride up to the top and look all over the city. it is kind of beautiful.

it is overwhelmingly hot here and rob doesn't have a fan. we may acquire one today, if it continues. i sort of feel like i am in some sort of weather hell -- someone is punishing me for savoring the airconditioning in philly so much. jess, i hope it is keeping you cool!

thanks to all of you for checking in. i appreciate it!

hugs,

volansake

Bonding

hello, friends,

my last post today was all about the fun things i've seen and done since i arrived. now, let us turn to the reason for the trip -- ototo ("younger brother") rob.

(i know i am probably boring all of you with the music updates, but i simply cannot resist when things like "let's get physical" and "kyrie elision" are blaring at the internet cafe...)

he's doing really really well. last night, he had another english lesson with mika, a 31-year old woman. her lesson, like dr. morita's, involved chatting and allowing her to practice her conversational english skills.

did i mention that the lesson was in the asahi beer garden (each brew apparently has their own "garden")?

the three of us sat around chatting from about 7PM to 9 or so, which was really cool. she seems quite down to earth and earnest (she is thinking of changing jobs from her present one as as a dietician to one that involves assisting the elderly). rob, once again, showed his more patient side in his asking of questions, nudging her along gently and encouraging her to talk a lot. it was swell. we had a couple of beers (i have not been able to find GIN in this country...), some edamame and called it a day.

as i mentioned before, rob has been fighting a cold, so he hasn't been his insane self. we've also kept the alcohol intake to a minimum, which is...um...odd. he says that we'll play once he's done with this conference on friday.

as far as his life goes, i think i can say, without telling tales out of school, that he seems relatively happy. he says that his future plans include making everyone happy and working towards peace and happiness. the specifics are a little fuzzy, but i believe that if anyone can do it, he can, one person at a time. he's been writing a lot and i am anxious to read what he's got. some of you may recall that i've long held the believe that he is the most deft at language of the three volansky siblings. he's developed an introspective sense as well, as one can see his mind at work. i am really proud of him. and it rocks to be here with him.

just so i don't go off and get all sentimental, let us turn for a second or two to the fits of giggling that we have shared.

a joke (this is for my friend pat, whose picture is below. isn't he cute???):

Q: how many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: hey, let's go ride our bikes!

funny, right?

cracked us up.

so did my new term to describe a bunch of salarymen -- a "loose"

i'm having a fun time in this country...

much love (still trying to find another closer...),

volansake

Shout Outs...

hello, friends,

some of you have been kind enough to send along some thoughts, ideas and good wishes, which is very nice and most appreciated. i've been feeling like a giant asshole sometimes here in japan, since i really don't speak the language and stand out like a sore thumb. since rob has been working, it has been a bit...isolating? not bad, just odd. i also am feeling like a 700 pound gorilla in a sea of actual delicate flowers, but, since i am now on DAY TWO without smoking, things are looking UP.

all this is my way of saying that it makes me happy to feel connected to so many of you.

at any rate, i wanted to give a couple of shout-outs to some of my peeps.

first, to the lovely and talented sheri wilner (http://www.playscripts.com/author.php3?authorid=145) who has just moved to minneapolis on a year-long jerome at the playwrights' center (it is a jerome, right?). her play FATHER JOY kicks some serious butt. and she is a DELIGHT to have around.

for an even darker version of this year's playwright model, check out bruce norris' new play, THE PAIN AND THE ITCH (a philadelphia theatre company commission) at steppenwolf (http://www.steppenwolf.org/boxoffice/productions/index.aspx?id=317). my sources tell me that there is great moral outrage around this play, and that bow-tie wearing republican tucker carlson denounced it on his show this week. doesn't that make you want to RUN and see it?

jessica hogan, my tender roommate, has been home minding the dog, along with beloved jason franklin and the rents while i am away and while michael is in seattle. you all kick some butt -- thanks much.

rock star cindy croot (www.cynthiacroot.com) offered a poem:

congrats on the bloggin
sprung from your noggin
and an odd cache of karl roving seeds.

takes just two cocktail napkins
and volansky unpackin’
to hit the devil right where he breeds.

team washington college has been quite silent...what's the deal??

i think i'll now go out into the world and see what is happening in the land of gothic lolitas...

enjoy your day, wherever you may be.

much love,
volansake

Observations from the Tanuki-Koji Arcade

i've now been in japan for three days. i've learned a lot about the culture, the people and the subway system. however, my new favorite thing is this fad called "gothic lolita." the pictures to the left of this post feature some of the standard looks. i've mostly seen the girls in black and white, with black and white stockings and big chunky boots. it is CRAZY.

the english major in me wants to spend a fair amount of time dissecting the verbiage: gothic and lolita. i'm not sure if i can fully exegete it to my satisfaction.

i'd like to continue today's blog by mentioning a few fun things that i've seen and observed here in sapporo in the last couple of days.

(music alert: we're in another 80s flashback here in the internet cafe...we just had our love lifted up where it belongs, which is always swell on a hot and humid thursday afternoon...)

to continue. i've spent some time at the "tanuki koji arcade" which can only be described as a covered outdoor mall on a lot of acid. it is a complete sensory breakdown, as there is just too much to take in all at once. here is what i saw there yesterday:

1. a young guy sweating in a big costume of indeterminate nature which featured a giant puffy beer mug on his head
2. loud loud music featuring jon bon jovi (he is HUGE in sapporo...) and, well, cher (do YOU believe in life after love? come on, answer!)
3. a store called a "hyper media shop," as if the whole place wasn't one big hyper media shop.
4. 3 other honkies

i also made the mistake of crossing the arcade without waiting for the light to turn green. we like to follow the rules here in sapporo, so there were a lot of looks.

we also had a LOT of green tea because it is just so freakin' hot here. but, on the whole, i was able to navigate my way around and about with minimal international relations damage.

rob is still miffed about my signatory, so i am going to discontinue his and see if i can find an original idea of my own. if you have suggestions, toss 'em my way!

love,
volansake

If it is Tuesday...

hello, friends,

there was, for tuesday, every intention of getting out and exploring the city. i woke up when rob did (he is in the middle of a conference for japanese teachers of english and is working from 9-5 this week) and he gave me the keys, some directions and some words. as i mentioned, i did a little tidying, but then went back to the futon, thinking i'd sleep for just a wee bit.

when rob came home at 5PM, i was still dozing. however, i am now COMPLETELY rested and on the japanese time zone.

i took a shower, rob made some yummy rice (on which i put some sesame oil) and a delicious little salad of tomato and pepper, with japanese mayo and wasabi. i am in HEAVEN with the food here. it also earned me some points, i think, with dr. morita, who we met up with around 7PM.

in addition to rob's teaching job, he has some private students. dr. morita is a cardiologist and has three cuter than cute children, ages 6, 3 and 18months. they share the patti children's enthusiasm for life (subtext: lots of energy!) and are just as cute. rob teaches the 6 year-old for about 40 minutes (or until the child loses interest and then dr. morita.

i suspected that rob would be a good teacher (all volansky's are...), but i was most impressed by his ability to gently correct both father and son in a way that was subtle yet direct. ben and kipper are really missing out by not having uncle rob around to play with and learn from, as he is a natural with the little ones (one might argue that it is because he maintains a childish/like personality but that would be a bit reductive).

mrs. morita brought us iced green tea (which is available for the low low price of 150 yen on nearly every corner and is delicious) and some sweets (including sweet rice with sweet soy on top...try it, it sticks to your ribs for DAYS...) and was kind enough to put a fan in front of me.

a word on the temperature: i was led to believe that hokkaido is a cool and temperate place, much cooler than the sweltering tokyo. this is a GIANT myth, set forward by the tourism board to get people here. it is beautiful, but no cooler than philly. i anxiously await a cool-down, as here, like in philly, i sweat like andre agassi.

rob, dr. morita and i sat in a little office for about 45 minutes, talking english. dr. morita's specialty is the catheter (i bet i spelled that wrong...), so a good portion of the conversation was about his work and daily life. the talk turned to sushi and i tossed out what little japanese i know: toro, nigri, hamachi, nori, tempura, unagi. the good doctor seemed impressed and then offered some tips on places where we might go to eat. he' s really a kind kind man with a beautiful family. it was great to spend some time in an actual japanese home with some regular folks. i have a feeling i'll be spending time with a lot of ex-pats from other countries, so this was a real treat.

at one point in the conversation, there was a massive thunderstorm, which apparently doesn't happen here much (aren't i lucky to be here for the hottest of days and the only thunderstorm???). the little one cried and cried, while the 3-year old came up to tell us all about it. dr. morita said that it was raining "cats and dogs" which cracked us the heck up. nice use of an english slang, term, right? i taught him the phrase "hands full," which he responded to, as well. rob is a terrific teacher to him -- and i suspect is learning a bit himself in the process.

we then went to a place called "brian's brew" where rob's girlfriend works (her name is aika, but i am not sure on the spelling). she is BEAUTIFUL, with long long hair. she is, like many of rob's lady-friends YOUNG. i'll probably discuss this later, but for the moment, that's all i'll say.

(now the music sounds like early elvis costello, only in japanese...curious...)

there was another round of farewells (this time to tim and laura, who are heading back to tim's hometown of taho (monday night it was irish miles and british naomi going to ireland, i think), but rob was fighting a cold (sidebar: rob and i have both been smoking on and off for a while and were working on the assumption that the other had quit and that, in turn, upon my arrival, we could quit because there would be no bad influence. unfortunate nonsense). however, rob's headcold seems to brought all of our smoking to a crashing end, as we both had one last night and we vowed it would be our collective last. i'll keep you posted.

and so here it wednesday and i am toodling around. i hope i am not boring the 100 or so of you (wow, that is AWESOME!) who have read along. if i am, don't be shy and say so. i think i am among friends, right? there are TONS of little goodies to be bought here, so let me know if you want something in particular. rosie asked for some toppo, and i will happily oblige all other requests. i am coming home with one of rob's suitcases full of trinkets.

i miss the girl like crazy, but again, she seems to be in good hands with the rental units and with ms. jessica. so, em and pee, please give her kisses for me and tell her i'll be home soon. there are, fortunately, dogs here in sapporo, so i've been able to get my canine fix.

much love to you all -- and thanks for being there.

peacelovegodbless,
volansake

Geijin

hello, friends,

i am here! rob is going to email me the picture he took of me coming through the door of the airport, so i will post that as soon as i get it. given the circumstances, i dont look too awful.

a word or two about the computer on which i am working and my computer skills: i am in an internet cafe (thanks, yahoo!) as rob doesnt have computer. there is some LOUD undefinable music playing. the japanese, i am sorry to say, do not have such great taste in music. in regard to my ability on this computer, i cannot seem to find the apostrophe, so my contractions will look funny. get over it.

i landed on monday at sapporo/chitose airport around 8PM. we drove the 50 minutes or so to robs crib (that is what HE says, not me...), after i grabbed some food and beverage: two cans of classic beer and a 6-pack of octopus. how's that for plunging in?

let me paint a picture of the darling little "apartment" occupied by the sibling. like all japanese houses, there is a bathroom with a little sink; in robs case, it is just in front of the front door. you then enter (after taking off one's (hey, i found the apostrophe button!) shoes) a large-ish room, where he has a collection of random furniture. a fridge, a euro-style kitchen, two comfy recliner chairs, a little coffee-table. there are two futons on what i think is called a "tatami" mat. a little shower room. it is cozy, but rob, alas, has not inherited the tidying skills present in the other volansky siblings. i gave it the old college try, but settled for buying myself two clean towels and some sheets and called it a day.

after dropping off my stuff monday night, i washed up a bit and then we did what any self-respecting volansky would do in a new country: found the beer garden. there is a huge outdoor beer garden here in the middle of sapporo and it is where the salarymen get drunk after work. like a british pub, it closes at 10PM, so rob and i got some beers from a ubiquitous "conveni" and joined a bunch of rob's friends -- a group of really swell JETs (insert finger snaps here...), former JETs ("once your a jet...") and others from the US, ireland, australia, germany, scotland and other such faraway places. the JET program is in the middle of a transition, as some are leaving and the new ones are arriving, so there are "farewell" parties. i jumped right into the mix, offering some quips and etc, while taking some group shots.

i was then shot, so we called it a day.

that was monday.

i am going to post this, and then launch into tuesday on another post. points for the individual who knows what "geijin" without looking it up.

hope all is well in the homeland...

peacelovegodbless,
volansake

80s Flashback

hello, friends,

i have no idea if anyone is reading this, but i like to think that someone out there was thinking of me when i was clearing customs. i made it through okay, and i'm waiting in the narita airport for my connection to take me to rob and sapporo.

the flight, on united, was one of the easiest i ever had. i had a 3-seat row to myself and i slept a LOT. i know that there is a certain someone who is wishing that i had worked on the playwriting book, but it just wasn't the time. i have full faith and confidence that pages will be forthcoming from asia to media, pa.

films shown inflight included hitch, million dollar baby, dr. doolittle 2 and fever pitch. i didn't watch any of them. instead, in between naps, i read middlesex, which is really really good. if you've not read it yet, put it on your list. it is quite enjoyable.

a few random thoughts thus far. first, as the plane turned toward the airport, we skimmed along a lot of green grass and houses with cool blue roofs. from my vantage point, it could have easily been little haddon township. kind of puts things into perspective.

despite some last minute cramming, i am still completely ignorant in the language. i've managed the multi-purposed "sumimasen" which is, as far as i can tell, japanese for "i'm a stupid american. please disregard all of the faux pas i may make during my time in your beautiful country." i have also utilized "domo arigato" more than a few times, from the nice man who helped me with my baggage transfer to the cutie check-in young woman who laughed and laughed when i said it. the downside of this is that i've had the lyrics to that styx classic, "mr. roboto" in my head for about 12 hours now. i've added a link so that you, too, can share in the madness. at least it has nudged out "flowers in your hair" in regard to my recent stay in san francisco, as well as the bon jovi classic "it's my life" which has been firmly ensconced for the last 4 days for some inexplicable reason.

aren't the soundtracks of our lives so much fun?

my computer says that it is 2:38AM, but i have no idea what time zone that might be. the clock in front of me on the narita airport wall says that it is 3:40PM on monday, august 1st...i feel like i've done a tesseract through the universe.

can't wait to see the sibling. and get my hands on some sake, some sushi and sit in an onsen.

i'll report on the bathrooms later.

peacelovegodbless,
volansake

if i were going to spend some time in tokyo, this is what i would like to see...