hello, friends,
i'm tossing and turning in my bed tonight and i just can't sleep. there are a number of reasons. here are several of them:
1. last night i dreamt that i was (again) rearranging my locker at haddon township high school. my locker was next to jess vitigliano and kim vining and, in the dream, i was the one with the messiest locker. i kept trying to figure out what books i needed to take to class in order to be "most prepared" for the day and just could not find what i needed. things just kept falling out of this locker -- i remember seeing notebooks and textbooks and scripts and all sorts of nonsense. kim and jesse just kept looking at me like i was completely insane. nothing would stay in and nothing i needed would come out.
2. tonight i went to hear a talk by the pulitzer-nominated photojournalist lois raimondo. she's a graduate of wittenberg college and she spent a good amount of time in afghanistan and in iraq, both pre-invasion, and her images from these places are unbelievable. real people, just like you and me trying to live their days despite the mayhem that is going on around them.
i sometimes feel like i am a complete slacker. i talk a great game about policy and politics, urging students to get out and live their lives and, alas, what am i doing? maybe there is something in asking the questions, but, at the end of the day, who is listening? it is a tough road to hoe when one snuggles up into bed at night with a beautiful and loving dog, but...sometimes one just needs someone else to bang up against to get one's head straightened out.
i spent an amazing weekend on chincoteague island with some family -- all of whom are smart, intelligent and rife with opinions. they've been with me every stupid step along my path, and i value each and every one of them. but, again, there i am.
i would like to say that i am posting this after a million glasses of white wine or some substantial gin and tonics, but i gotta say that this is the actual me, with no enhancement. sometimes i so value the solitude, and then there are those few waking hours where the waking hours are just so damn hard.
there's a part of every person that is the life of the party, the wise counselor, the happy-go-lucky individual to whom others turn when their lives are messy. i often wonder what those folks do when the lights go out.
people, now is the time to take a serious inventory about what your beliefs, values and opinions are. you will need to articulate them with your friends and those who are not your friends. i feel rough roads coming along, and we have to stick together. right?
in the meantime, i'll try to get some sleep. i trust you'll do the same.
gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky
1 comment:
the world, and apparently your locker/office, are a mess. you are in a crowded boat of people wondering which way to go. take comfort though,your shipmates also have great days and long nights. the trick is to, in the words of the immortal helen russ, just keep singing.
sometimes banging thoughts against another person isn't as personally valuable as banging your thoughts around your head. because at the end of the day, no one is going to change your mind about your life or how you are living it. it's why i can't convince the abused spouse to leave - it's my idea, not hers. to use your life, the idea has to be your own.
don't wonder why the life of the party is always happy go lucky because it probably isn't real. the life of the party is probably covering for his own dark nights. where did we get this idea that life has to be roses all the time? the world is too much with us and someone needs to tell it to back off.
dr phil says fake it till you make it. helen says just keep singing and kermit says i hope that something better comes along. somewhere in there lies the recipe for contentedness.
sincerely,
also not drunk and trying not to sweat the small stuff.
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