i'm feeling more than a little down today. i made an awful decision last friday night and i am now confronted with the repercussions.
[sidebar: this is going to be personal, not political, so if you have no interest in that, slide over to another blog.]
i've always prided myself on my generosity of spirit, my compassion for friends, my give-it-all attitude towards everyone; i've often believed that i give too much of myself to others and not enough to myself. well, i was incredibly selfish and stupid to someone about whom i care a great deal and, as a result, he's asked for a bit of time off. he's hurt and he should be. i totally wronged him.
i suppose the questions i am asking myself and you, my friends, swirl around the idea of the tension between taking care of one's self and taking care of others. as some of you know, i am a relative novice to this "adult relationship" thing and i've been doing it, as far as i can see, badly. what are the ways of showing someone you care? how does one really, honestly and truly listen to another person? is that even possible?
if you think i am an idiot and a selfish brat, please tell me. but i am at a loss at how to help me and my friend move forward, other than to continue to open my heart and head and trust that the world will throw me a bone.
as far as the heading goes, i've been reflecting a bit on weddings and next week, i get to go to the lovefest between liz and michael. i am reminded however, of my states of mind at the weddings of emily and aimee and can only hope that the third time will help me to fully revel in the love in front of me.
so that's all the news that is fit to print. light a candle, will you? and if anyone has an extra ticket to any of the springsteen shows (and maybe a chartered plane to get me there), it sure would help my mood.
and to that special someone, if you are checking in at all: i hope we can continue to learn and grown together.
be good to each other.
gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky
1 comment:
So, not that I've had the experiences you have, but I'm sort of new to this relationship thing too. And it's really great. Somehow I've always been the one people have come to for relationship advice in my circle of friends, which always baffled me because I was never IN a relationship. But now that I'm sort of figuring out my own for the first time, I can't say I know what the hell I'm doing any more than before. It's a little scary sometimes. And the more I think about it, does anyone really ever know what they're doing in a relationship? And by that I mean 'how to do it right'? I mean, how can they?
I guess I'm trying to say that everyone makes mistakes, especially in regards to other people. YOu once told me that no one will take care of me but myself in life, which, based on what I've been though, I agree with for the most part. When you're used to that sentiment, it's hard to shift gears. Now I DO have someone besides myself who seems to want to take care of me a whole lot, maybe even more than I take care of myself. It takes a lot of mind-changing and positivity to align myself with such a possibility, but I think it's worth it.
I guess that wasn't so much advice as it was an 'I'm with you, sister.' Be yourself (because that's how we all love you) and do what you think is best to make it right again, because I don't believe anyone really has 'the answer'. But I do think that your concern can only lead to a solution.
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