Fallen Woman

I am a fallen woman.

That is to say, I fall a lot.

A favorite family story is the time my right foot got lodged in the toilet, which lead to the end of my ballet career. You can ask me about it sometime.

I have slipped down stairs. I have slipped upstairs. I have walked into walls, poles, doorways, people.

It's not that I am not paying attention. In fact, I pride myself on being hyper attentive to the world around me.

This last fall, however, was a doozy. I slipped coming out of the shower (the thing we all fear the most, methinks) and was left stranded in my hallway, soaking wet and in extreme pain. Mercifully, I have an awesome neighbor who was able to hear my screams and get me help. 

So, I've spent the past month at my parents' house recovering from the surgery I had to put my ankle back together. This is what they did:

Ouch, right? I have another 4 weeks without being able to put weight on it, another 4 weeks away from my home, job and dog and another 4 weeks staying with my parents. 

I cannot tell you how much I am valuing this time. I've been reading, spending time with my family and thinking about my life, my choices and my privilege.

I am taking in the fucked up world around me. I am heartbroken by Ukraine, angered by Buffalo, furious at Congress, SCOTUS and anyone else in charge.

I can promise you this: the next chapter in my life won't be complacent. 

Hello again.

Well, hello there.

It's been a minute, eh?

Anything exciting happening in your world? Any news I should catch up on?

Just kidding. I know what's going on. I mean, I have a sense of what is going on. 

I'm coming back to this blog to try and capture some of the things that I am thinking about and feeling in this changed and charged world.

A little recap.

This is me:

I used to work in theater. And higher education. Now I work for a medical device company fielding calls and emails from our healthcare partners. More on how I got to that job later. Maybe.

I've done some writing. I wrote an article about the 2016 campaign.

I've written program copy for the amazing Arizona Theatre Company.

I'm learning some things about medical editing and proofreading. I like learning new things.

If you re-read some of my posts from before, you will see that I made the error of using two spaces after a period. I was not consistent in using the Oxford comma. I was also a participant in the systemic racism that pervades nearly all aspects of American life. I've been working really hard to rectify my past. 

Enough about me. What can I do for you?

More to come. And thank you for coming along.

The Attic

My bedroom, for the bulk of my teenage years, was in the attic. It was a long, narrow room -- I couldn't stand upright in parts of the room. At age 11 (1980ish), when I moved into the attic, I picked the color scheme of pink and green. Why, you might ask?

Here's why:

For some reason, I was not looking forward in time to the period when pink and green would cause vomiting, regardless of whether or not booze was involved.

A couple of other things about that attic bedroom.

I used to fall asleep at the top of the steps, looking out the window at the full moon. Maybe, in another life, I used to be a werewolf, but something about that window afforded me a great view as well as some peaceful slumbers.

I can remember spending HOURS making paper dolls with my sister in that room -- I was a bit better at cutting and coloring than I was at making Barbie clothes. The attic was also the starting point for the long treks my sister and I would make as we played "Little House on the Prairie," dressing up as the Ingalls sisters making their way across the Plains. It was HOT up there in the summer, so it was a perfect replica of what we imagined the life of Laura and Mary to be.

One day in April, 1981, I sat in that room all afternoon with my friend Kim Vining while we played Monopoly and trying to laugh. We were there because the grownups were at the cemetery burying my brother Adam. I think she saved my life that day.

Later, when I was a teenager, the attic bedroom served as a mini-recording studio, while I listened on the radio for my favorite Springsteen songs and prepared my tape recorder to catch every note. I spent time lying on my bed learning the lyrics to every song on the "Born to Run" and "Darkness on the Edge of Town." I wrote REALLY BAD poetry. I cried a lot.

An important piece of information about my attic bedroom is that I had to pass through my parents' bedroom to get to it. For those of you who know me, you know that I am blind as a bat. Imagine a gangly, half-blind teenager barrelling down a steep set of stairs to get to the bathroom at 2:30AM. Bang. Bang. Bump. Ooops.

Sorry, Mom and Dad.

As I was much older, maybe when I came home from college, the location began to be a problem. One night, after a particular raucous evening with friends, I got myself upstairs but felt pretty awful and close to vomiting. The logical option: throw up outside of the window, no doubt sending spew down the side of the house. I can only suspect that it was raining outside, because my parents never said anything...

Again, sorry.

I later moved down to the back room, the room that had been "the baby's" room, where I stayed through grad school. It was better situated for returning home after late night activities (like rehearsals...) as well as studying. I could at least stand up...

The basement

As I was walking through the house this afternoon, I spent some time in the basement, which is all packed up and ready for the movers.

The basement has been transformed on more than one occasion. When we were kids, the basement had, in the middle of it, a giant octopus-style heating system. This is what it looked like:

Not sure who that dude is, but he was not in our basement.

So, this thing was smack in the middle of the basement, our playroom when it was too cold out or bad weather or we were bored or my mom wanted us out of her hair. The floor, at the time, was cement. I know, great room to play in, right? What made the basement awesome to play in, with both the cement and the octopus, was that it was perfect for a roller rink.

Remember the roller rink? We made our own. We actually roller skated AROUND the octopus, on the cement, in the basement. Usually with music. Okay, almost always with music. And the music was:



And then there was:



I will happily admit that I LOVED Shaun Cassidy and Donny and Marie. LOVED THEM.

So we roller skated.

Later, the basement was the site for a Volansky-cousin Beatles singalong, the ill-conceived "gym club" (picture six eleven year olds doing push ups, sit ups and then giggling -- I blame Jane Fonda), and countless hours of Barbie playing. We had the townhouse style dream house (maybe that's why I love my row house so much...), the airplane, some sort of pool and a lot of clothes. My sister was a much better Barbie caretaker than I ever was. My Barbie's clothes were frequently stapled together. Sue's were lovingly crafted and matched. We both had the misguided thought that we could pierce Barbie's ears with straight pins. Her ears, sadly, always turned green. Poor Barbie. She did have friends: Ken, of course, and Skipper. Early on, there was Midge, but I'm not quite sure what happened to her. Her 1950s/1960s clothes seemed out of touch with the swinging stylings (albeit stapled) of Barbie.

The basement also housed my father's work area. My dad is not exactly a handyman, but he certainly spent a fair amount of time down there in recent years, making model cars, airplanes and boats. There was a decoy duck period. He did, after TOO much time down there, develop nosebleeds that I am fairly certain were a result of an excess of airplane glue. We called his putterings "art therapy." I think he has been happy down there.

Sometime after I stopped believing in Santa Claus (or maybe I was on the cusp of not believing in Santa Claus...), the basement was the place where one year I snooped around for Christmas presents. I have a vague memory of finding them, hidden in the back, at another end of the octopus. After I opened the bag, I felt guilty and quickly closed it and never looked again.

My mom has a habit of keeping a LOT of things around the house, "just in case." An example of this is the 5-7 bottles of ketchup that were stored in the upstairs pantry. After the octopus was replaced by a more conventional heating system and some carpet was put down (so much for roller skating after THAT), a storage freezer appeared. In the freezer was kept frozen sides of beef, countless breasts of chicken, orange juice (2 for $3!), homemade pasta sauce and who knows what else. When my parents replaced their refrigerator, buying one that had the freezer on the bottom for greater ease, the old fridge went to the basement, housing a LOT of beer, mixers, and food overflow for Thanksgiving, Easter and other holidays. There was also another cabinet, stocked to the edges with what I think was Lawry's marinade, in a bunch of different flavors. There was extra sugar, coffee, salad dressing, aluminum foil, Saran wrap, rice, pasta, seasonings.

My sister and I would frequently go "shopping" down there. Somehow, I missed out on the packing of that cabinet because, now that I am looking at my own pantry, I seem to be out of Lawry's...

First memory

The first memory I have, ever, is the day my sister was born.

If you look at the picture, you will notice that the house has brick front steps. Back in the day, those steps were cement, and there was a railing on the right side. Also, there were bushes that had these weird red gooey things that were, so we were told, poisonous. DO NOT EAT.

At any rate, I was just a little over three when Sue came along. The story we are told is that she came FAST -- my dad was speeding toward Cooper Hospital and, upon being pulled over by a startled cop early in the morning, was given an escort to the hospital where she arrived shortly thereafter. It was Father's Day. The joke was that Bob wanted a tie -- he got Sue.

My memory is this: my mom was trying to get out of the house to the car (maybe it was green) and I was holding the hand of my grandfather heading down the stairs.

A detour: I learned how to walk with a towel over my head. Maybe I knew that, later in life, I would be a profound klutz and it was better not to see anything. Whatever it was, my early steps were made with a kitchen towel pulled over my head.

Walking is not my strong suit.

Those steps were a bit frightening, even with the railing and trying to rush, as we were, made the walk that much more uncertain. And I was excited.

Whatever it was, when I close my eyes and think about that day, I am holding my grandfather's hand for dear life, chugging down the stairs. My little red shoe slipped off, into those poisonous bushes. "We'll get it later," I remember him saying.

I don't ever remember wearing red shoes again. I wonder if, when my parents cleared out the shrubs and replaced them with the beautiful flowers and natural grasses, they found my missing red shoe?

After 42 years, saying farewell to 911 Belmont

My parents moved into 911 Belmont Avenue, on the border between Collingswood and Haddon Township, New Jersey in 1969. I was one.

On Monday, they will be moving to their new home in Montoursville, PA, where my sister lives with her family.

This weekend, my brother and I will be spending time at the house. I'm hoping to take a walk around the old neighborhood, visit my elementary and high school and generally revel in all the amazing things that happened here over the past 42 years.

I hope you enjoy my walk down memory lane.

gotothellifyouhatefreedom,
Volansky

Ruminations on Current Events

Friends,

I've been sitting on this Anthony Weiner thing for a couple of days, trying to pull the lens back in order to look at what it all means. Obviously, it is fun to snicker about his last name and what part of his anatomy that got him into trouble. It is also mildly entertaining to consider the level of discourse this usually-verbally-dexterous politician seems to have sunk. The connections to Bill Clinton are also somewhat tittering.

And then there is on-going sense of bewilderment of "who did he think he was?" While watching the press conference on Tuesday, part of me wanted him to respond, "Just a guy," when the media asked that question. I also kind of wanted him to say that he was being a GIANT idiot.

Then I read Alec Baldwin's fascinating piece, posted on the Huffington Post, entitled, "Anthony Weiner is a Modern Human Being." What I find compelling about what Baldwin says is the reminder of the availability of such online behavior. Consider this:

We tell ourselves that these devices help us communicate more effectively. What they actually do is allow us to bypass the person lying right next to us, across the room from us or at an airport heading home to us, in order to meet our immediate, even inconvenient, needs. To bypass their moods, their current view of us and their own desires, or lack thereof.

There is something to be mined here. You may be in the most loving, generous, safe and profound relationship ever. But. There are potentially millions of people out there that you haven't met yet. And they just might love you.

Of course there are a hundred problems with this, not the least of which is the fact that Weiner is a married man, with a smart and talented (and maybe pregnant?) wife. I am not interested in the series of questions about whether or not it is cheating: I think that determination is between Weiner and his wife; his press conference clearly indicated that, to them, it marked a betrayal of some sort. Which is, I think, a form of cheating. So, why did he do it?

Because he could. Nothing more complicated than that. Because he is, in Baldwin's words, "a modern human being."

I reach the same conclusion that Alec Baldwin did, and probably a lot of others. I would like to add my own take on this. I think that fidelity is a difficult and challenging thing; I have wrestled with it myself over the years, before the Internet and Facebook and YouTube and Twitter made it that much easier. How fun is it to live chat with an old flame? Or an old prospective flame? Or a co-worker? Or someone you read about and think is smart/sexy/gets you...whatever. But too many people I know but their real-life, flesh and blood, "til death do us part" relationships in jeopardy because it is just so damn easy.

And it is ultimately sad.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
Volansky

Remember me?

Hi Friends,
I woke up the other morning feeling a bit adrift -- I had submitted my dissertation and did not know what to do with myself.

I had been working on writing this thing for three years, doing the research for another two. And then, BAM, done. What's a girl to do?

Obviously, there are school things -- department chair, faculty council chair, courses to prep. There are naturally plays to read. But gosh, what a weird feeling.

If one person comments on this, then I'll continue to offer insights into our changing world. Or even if no one comments...I bet I'll continue. My fingers need to be kept occupied.

Final two thoughts: I'm reading Colum McCann's LET THE GREAT WORLD SPIN and man is it good. You might pick it up, if you are looking for a good read.

Other thought: I could not have survived finishing my dissertation without these guys. I feel a little like I am cheating on Bruce with them, but heavens to murgatroyd they are damn fine.

And remember:

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,

V

How the heck are you?!

hello, friends,

i really should not be blogging because i simply have too much work to do. but i had a really compelling conversation on saturday night with some friends that has been nagging at me and so i felt like i needed to share.

the discussion (full disclosure: there was wine involved) began as an investigation of the pros and cons of bailing out the big three -- GM, Ford and Chrysler. should we or shouldn't we? we drifted around that for a while, recalling the problems (and, at my insistence, the lack of congressional oversight) of the financial bailout. why bail out companies like AIG and not the automotive industry. there was general disdain about the UAW, and the suggestion that some industries needed to fail so as to correct the market.

let me say that i don't pretend to understand the market. i simply was asking about what was going to happen if the US lost 2.1 million job , according to this website.

here's what it says:

The EPI paper, titled When Giants Fall, estimates that a total collapse of all three U.S. auto makers would result in the loss of up to 2.1 million American jobs within the next year. Tax revenue losses and additional governmental costs would top $150 billion within three years if the three companies enter bankruptcy.

Without cars to export, the U.S. trade deficit would rise by $109.3 billion, the study also found.

The job numbers encompass direct job losses from the automakers' potential shutdown, as well as indirect job losses in technical and service industries and vehicle production-supported industries, such as auto parts, electronics, steel, tires, aluminum and plastics. The study also estimates the loss of "re-spending" jobs as a result of the wages lost by workers in motor vehicle industries and other sectors supported by car production.

The study's author, EPI economist Robert E. Scott, said that Congress should act quickly to provide a bridge loan to the auto industry, noting that it is an investment that the U.S. government will likely recover with interest.

"It is in the national interest to invest in a bridge loan now, rather than pay the consequences of bankruptcy for one or more domestic auto-makers," Scott said.

"The domestic auto-makers don't have the same bankruptcy and restructuring options as the airline industry does," Scott explained. "Customers are unwilling to purchase a vehicle from a company that might not be able to offer a warranty or repairs."

The study estimates the loss of jobs by industry, with manufacturing leading the pack. Motor vehicles and parts and transportation equipment also stand to lose tens of thousands of jobs.

The EPI study can be viewed at http://www.epi.org/briefingpapers/227/bp227.pdf.

For more information about the Economic Policy Institute, go to http://www.epi.org, and for more about the Keystone Research Center, go to http://www.keystoneresearch.org.

SOURCE: Keystone Research Center

consider the fact that 12.5% of all americans live in poverty, according to the US census

consider the fact that while it is admirable that 72.5% of americans have internet access, there are still 27.5% who do not.

are we living exclusively in a world of darwinistic survival of the fittest? my friend suggested that there were some people who would not or could not take advantage of the opportunities offered to them and that some in our country would always "just fail." is this okay? am i just a pollyanna, or do i have my sense of social justice out of whack?

can you sleep at night?

think about what jimmy carter said (thanks sister sue): "a peaceful world cannot exist when one third is rich and two thirds are hungry."

my friend is a just and admirable person, concerned about family and survival. there is compassion and responsibility. so if THIS friend thinks this way...

think about it.

gotohellifyouhatefreedom,
volansky

where do we go now?

Well, the Phillies won the World Series. And our guy got into the Oval Office. There was definitely an excitement/anticipation vacuum happening there for a few days. Is Chinese Democracy the most important thing to look forward to? I might argue yes, but it's a kind of apathetic yes. And most of you pirates have probably already downloaded the thing. I am a dinosaur in that I like to "buy" albums in the "store." Strange, I know. I actually like reading the liner notes and looking at the cover art. Is that so wrong?

At any rate, I can't think of anything in the immediate future worth getting ramped up about. Christmas? Inauguration Day is too far afield to think about, there is much to be done before then. If anyone has any thoughts on something to get excited about in the upcoming weeks, I would love to hear it.

yes, we did

Yes, we did.

Here is the transcript. It is worth a read.

politics as usual

Let's not talk about the debate, or the economy, or Iraq, or anything else from this election.

Thought: while living overseas, I paid zero attention to American politics in general and just barely enough attention to the presidential elections as to confirm the nature of my vote.

Now that I am home, and now that it is an election season, it seems I'm as obsessed with the electoral map and outlining key issues as I am with the Phillies. But I wonder how I'm going to feel exactly one year from today. Am I going to care as deeply or as passionately or as consistently about, say, the selection of Supreme Court justices?

Honestly? No. Sad. How about you? Will you care a year from now?

I have spoken to a few people recently about the 24-hour news cycle. I know I am not crazy about it, but I've had a hard time figuring out why. But I think I'm onto something.

I think that the constant flow of news makes it difficult for us to separate the signal from the noise. Is the ACORN thing important? How about ties to the Keating Five? Maybe yes, maybe no. But when those things get as much air time as the war, there is a problem. Is there any way to fix this problem?

Well, I have a thought. The pre-election voter registration drives and calls to activism are great. Truly American. But where does all that energy go once the election is over? Why does it seem like we only care about these issues in the months leading up to a big November?

Lobbyists and political activists often get a bad rap in this country, sometimes for good reason. But one thing they do is keep a constant focus on issues at hand, regardless of whether it's October 2008 or February 2006.

I think all of us need to be doing that, in a very real way. Perhaps I am underestimating America (or at least the readership of this blog) when I say that I doubt any of you out there are as politically active or vocal as you are during election season. But if that were the case, then none of those campaign tricks would make a bit of difference in the polls or in the outcome of the election. However, close observation of the polls reveals that those campaign tricks do, in fact, work. What does that tell us?

The 24-hour news cycle is not going away. So it is up to us to demand real news, all the time, so that when election time comes around, none of the nonsense will get in the way of figuring out who the candidates are and what they stand for. The candidates themselves will be forced to outline these things clearly, and the media will be forced to convey this information to the consumers. Think of it as trickle down pandering.

One final point, in the form of a question: who is the politician pictured?

rednecks for obama

There is a lot of crap hurling out there today (Ayers, Keating, etc.) but little I deemed to be of newsworthy note. This, though, speaks to me.

My dad has been steadily warning that what he calls the "Bubba vote" could come into play at the last minute in the election. That is to say, a lot of folks will get behind the curtain and find themselves unable to pull the lever for a black man. It certainly is something worth thinking about.

So when I saw this tidbit, http://www.truveo.com/Rednecks-For-Obama-At-DNC/id/3175192384 I felt that perhaps getting the word out about these guys could be helpful to the cause.

"We hunt, fish, drink beer and support Barack Obama," said Tony Viessman, one of the group's two, count 'em, two, members. "He ain't gonna take your guns away, don't you worry about that."

Spread the word.

PS: Jeff Foxworthy was quoted in the article with a definition of redneck. He said it is "a glorious lack of sophistication." I like that.

da doo run run run . . .

Or maybe that should be "bomb, bomb, bomb/bomb bomb Iran." One of those classics.

The da doo run run run thing is sort of a lame joke about the debate last night being essentially a re-hash of the first. Somebody on a blog last night said that they tuned in 15 minutes late and only realized it wasn't a televised repeat of the first debate when they saw Tom Brokaw. I don't know if they were being serious or not, but I understand the sentiment.

A buddy just said he was bored during the thing. I wouldn't say I was bored, but it definitely was not as emotion-inducing as the Biden-Palin battle. At the very least, I was screaming at the television about 60% less last night than I was during the vice presidential debate.

Having said all that, while my allegiances are pretty clear, I don't feel like I'm being partial when I say that Obama was the clear victor. Whether you agree with his policies or not, he was more clear and concise in his explanations. I feel as though I understand better what he wants to do than I do McCain.

I read a bit of the Fox News website this morning, which I usually do not do. I stick to the BBC, and generally try to avoid sites that are going to be overwhelmingly partial. But because I felt that Obama was so clearly the winner, I was interested to hear how the conservative arm of the media was going to spin it. Interestingly enough, most of the pundits on there conceded victory to Obama. Sure, they had their gripes, but I think that even they know that many of those gripes are unfounded. They complained about the town-hall format, which, as we all know, was McCain's choice. They complained about Brokaw. I couldn't imagine a more impartial or intelligent moderator. And, most curiously, at least for me, they complained about Obama's eloquence. They said he was too cool and smooth and smart. Hmm.

That's all for today, my friends.

veep

And, you know, if speeches aren't your thing, there's always this:

springsteen

I know there are some rabid Bruce fans who read this blog. I am a moderate Bruce fan. But I became a bit more of one this past weekend after seeing him at a rally for Obama in Philly. It was a decent show that included a good speech. Here's a transcription:

“Hello Philly,

“I am glad to be here today for this voter registration drive and for Barack Obama, the next President of the United States.

“I’ve spent 35 years writing about America, its people, and the meaning of the American Promise. The Promise that was handed down to us, right here in this city from our founding fathers, with one instruction: Do your best to make these things real. Opportunity, equality, social and economic justice, a fair shake for all of our citizens, the American idea, as a positive influence, around the world for a more just and peaceful existence. These are the things that give our lives hope, shape, and meaning. They are the ties that bind us together and give us faith in our contract with one another.

“I’ve spent most of my creative life measuring the distance between that American promise and American reality. For many Americans, who are today losing their jobs, their homes, seeing their retirement funds disappear, who have no healthcare, or who have been abandoned in our inner cities. The distance between that promise and that reality has never been greater or more painful.

“I believe Senator Obama has taken the measure of that distance in his own life and in his work. I believe he understands, in his heart, the cost of that distance, in blood and suffering, in the lives of everyday Americans. I believe as president, he would work to restore that promise to so many of our fellow citizens who have justifiably lost faith in its meaning. After the disastrous administration of the past 8 years, we need someone to lead us in an American reclamation project. In my job, I travel the world, and occasionally play big stadiums, just like Senator Obama. I’ve continued to find, wherever I go, America remains a repository of people’s hopes, possibilities, and desires, and that despite the terrible erosion to our standing around the world, accomplished by our recent administration, we remain, for many, a house of dreams. One thousand George Bushes and one thousand Dick Cheneys will never be able to tear that house down.

“They will, however, be leaving office, dropping the national tragedies of Katrina, Iraq, and our financial crisis in our laps. Our sacred house of dreams has been abused, looted, and left in a terrible state of disrepair. It needs care; it needs saving, it needs defending against those who would sell it down the river for power or a quick buck. It needs strong arms, hearts, and minds. It needs someone with Senator Obama’s understanding, temperateness, deliberativeness, maturity, compassion, toughness, and faith, to help us rebuild our house once again. But most importantly, it needs us. You and me. To build that house with the generosity that is at the heart of the American spirit. A house that is truer and big enough to contain the hopes and dreams of all of our fellow citizens. That is where our future lies. We will rise or fall as a people by our ability to accomplish this task. Now I don’t know about you, but I want that dream back, I want my America back, I want my country back.

“So now is the time to stand with Barack Obama and Joe Biden, roll up our sleeves, and come on up for the rising.”

email thoughts

I have been writing to some of my friends overseas for an international perspective on the election. Aussie ex-pat living in Thailand Ian Slater and I have bounced back and forth a bit over the last couple days. I wrote him this email today. I liked it, and I think it says a lot of what I am thinking about the whole thing, in very general terms. As I am too lazy to really write anything for the blog itself, I'll just copy and paste this email.

Slates--

Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

I didn't think it was possible that I could become as obsessed with any mainstream media event as I was with the Olympics, but, perhaps because the consequences are so great, I've been pretty much glued to this election coverage. Because of that, I could probably write several hundred screens here. I'll try to keep my thoughts in check, and then maybe go type something up for the blog.

Anyway, getting into it . . .

I generally believe that a lot of people vote from a fairly narrow perspective. The obvious one there is the pro-lifers, who would rather set fire to an ob/gyn's office than vote for a pro-choicer. Haha. You have your death penalty people, your NRA enthusiasts, etc., who vote for candidates based on those single issues.

Having lived overseas for so long, I've figured out that the motivation behind my vote is, largely, how the candidates a) view the rest of the world and b) are perceived by the rest of the world. Which, incidentally, is why I wrote to you and a handful of my other non-American friends for thoughts. I just wanted to confirm my suspicions that, yes, the majority of the rest of the world wholeheartedly supports Obama. (By the way, I trust there was no question in your mind that I am an Obama supporter.)

Saying something like "I cast my vote largely on how the candidate is perceived by the rest of the world" would no doubt get me in hot water with your standard middle American. In fact, it has before. But what I try to explain to people is that it's not so much that I am swayed by the opinion of the rest of the world, it's just that I realize that our world is so small, the value placed on our choice president so great, that I think the wrong choice by the American people can potentially reflect so badly on us and our government that I think it can actually harm us more than we even realize. Putting a guy like McCain in office tells the rest of the world that we are more or less ok with how the country has been run, both inside and out, for the last 8 years. It tells the world that we are looking for a fight. It tells the world that we are going to put our interests first, militarily and financially, and that you better get the hell out of our way. Putting the wrong guy in office can hurt us economically, can charge up terrorists, can make small countries with cowboy leaders like North Korea and Iran want to step up and get in our face. Is that making America safe? Is that protecting American interests? Is that helping our economy? I think not.

I am all for a strong America. But I think you don't have to be a bully to be strong. To take it one step further, bullies are usually bullies because they are hiding some deep-seated insecurity or weakness. And, anyway, what usually happens to bullies? They get knocked on their ass, usually by somebody much smaller.

At this point, I think that the only people who still believe that America is the undisputed heavyweight champion of the military and economic world are a small few Americans. The rest of us realize that our economy is weak, our dollar is sagging, and all of the guns in the world just aren't strong enough to win wars anymore. Perhaps we need a different approach.

There is strength in understanding, diplomacy, compassion. Obama represents those things.

Now, like you said, whether Obama has the ability or capacity to deliver on these things remains to be seen. That is definitely part of the intrigue of this election for me. And I'm sure if you ask even the staunchest Obama supporters who have fallen for him hook, line, and sinker, even they will admit, deep down, that they really have no clue if he's going to be able to accomplish what he says he's going to accomplish.

You know what, though? I'm willing to take that risk.

Or, to put it as a friend of the family put it the other day, "It's all bullshit. But I'm willing to buy Obama's line of bullshit over McCain's line of bullshit." You could probably apply that line to any election, anywhere, when you get right down to it.

One final thing. You mentioned that bit about Kennedy being unqualified, a fraud. First off, Jesus Mary & Joseph, don't let my mother hear you say that. She'd swoon.

I think a lot of other people, Americans and non-Americans, would also take umbrage to that statement. Why? Well, not necessarily because Kennedy was . . . . Kennedy. (One of the talking heads the other day said, in reference to comparisons between Barack and JFK, "Even Kennedy wasn't Kennedy." I liked that.) Anyway, getting back on track, in the world of politics today, perception is reality. It IS all bullshit. Beauracracy is so slow, the global economy is so big, world events are so out of control, that, unless a guy is extraordinarily bad, as Bush is, it would be hard for a single person anywhere on the planet, even the president of the United States of America, to fuck the world up completely. By the same token, unless he is some sort of diety, it would be hard for a president to heal all the wounds of the world. While people get pretty passionate about Barack, I don't think anybody believes that he's going to step in there and every problem is going to magically disappear.

But having said all that, I think people WANT to believe in this guy. He inspires people. He makes people want to do good. He makes people want to work to heal the problems. He makes people want to repair America's reputation in the world, he makes people want to search for solutions to environmental problems, he makes people want to search for solutions to economic problems. And that, for me, is enough. I am an optimist, and as trite as it might sound, I believe in the goodness of people, and I believe in the goodness and strength of the American people. Do I think Barack Obama can singlehandedly accomplish all that he says he is going to accomplish? Of course not. But do I believe that he can move people's hearts and minds? Yes, I do. We've had plenty of the moving of physical things these last 8 years, and not enough of moving of intangibles. I think people sense that, and I think that's why he's become so popular.

McCain is promising change, to shake Washington up. But what I think he's missing is that it's way, way beyond Washington. It's bigger than Washington, bigger than politics. Perhaps he can bring about some change in the way the governing of this country is conducted, but I don't think that's enough. He needs to bring about change in the attitudes of this country, and change in the way we view the rest of the world. Obama understands this on levels that he just doesn't get.

So there ya go, Slates. I think it got a little out of hand on me. I hope you're still reading.

I miss Thailand. Have a frosty Leo (or whatever your beer of choice is these days) for me.

peace--
RV

getting back into it

Middle of the 9th. Phils have just scored 6 to go up by 3. Miraculous, kind of. I am at (what I shall always call) Pat's Pub in Haddon Twp, NJ. I turn to my buddy and say, "I hope they don't fuck it up." Thus is the plight/mindset of the consummate Philly sports fan.

Got a text this morning from Chris D. He said he loved watching Johan Santana dominate only to be foiled in the end once again.

So, moving toward "the point."

Santana is a great pitcher who often seems to find himself in the unfortunate circumstances of pitching superbly, only to have his Mets blow it and leave him with a loss or a no-decision.

Gut question: do you feel sorry for him? (Try not to let your allegiances, wherever they may be, influence your answer.)

Another scenario:

I play hoops with a bunch of guys every Monday night. Mostly, everybody is around the same skill level. Mostly, it is friendly competition. Competitive, but friendly.

There's one guy who is a little slower, a little less athletic than the rest of us. Nice guy. But slow, not a great basketball player. However, he has a little 8 foot jumper that is quite consistent. If you slack off of him, he hits it. If you get up in his face and play hard D, it is very easy to shut him down.

Again with the gut: what would you do? Would you ease up on him in light of his slightly lower skill level, or would you exploit it?

Me and a couple of the other guys have been discussing this conundrum recently. At times we think that as it is friendly competition among 30-something guys who are just trying to fend off the beer gut, it probably isn't necessary to get up in his grill and shut him down. It seems like this is unnecessarily assholish behavior that's just going to make him upset and ruin his Monday workout. But then, at other times, everybody on the court is trying to WIN, and you should do whatever you can to help your team do so, even if that means blocking this guy into next Tuesday every time he puts up a shot.

Probably, as with all things, the answer is somewhere in the middle. Play him tough sometimes, ease up sometimes. As we are all in varying stages of fitness, that's how everybody pretty much plays defense on everybody else anyway.

But the fact remains that most of us could, without exerting too much effort, shut the guy down. If we wanted to. Hence, the question.

This discussion has meandered naturally to a discussion I've had with another friend over the years regarding dodgeball on elementary school playgrounds. She is against it, I am for it. You can probably figure out the arguments for both sides if you think about them for a second, but I'll gove over them anyway.

Her: dodgeball is barbaric, lord-of-the-flies-ish. Kids don't need to get pegged by a ball at that age.

Me: the world is a tough place. They're going to get pegged, in one form or another, sooner than later. They might as well start toughening up early.

Her: there's plenty of time for that. Let them enjoy their childhood.

Me: if left to their own devices, kids will "enjoy their childhood" by playing competitive sports or, worse, being outright mean to each other. Fighting, hurling insults. We are an inherently aggressive species, and that starts off early.

Her: well, adults should not contribute to kids hurting and abusing each other by encouraging dodgeball on the playground. They should be fostering more community-centered activities.

Me: I think adults chaperoning dodgeball games is just what the doctor ordered. We ARE aggressive creatures. Rather than letting that aggression run rampant, channel it. Let the kids be competitive with each other, but teach them how to do it with rules, and respect for the game, and respect for each other.

And on and on. Obviously, I've painted my own arguments in a more positive light because, well, I am doing the writing. She ain't here to defend herself, so I am capitalizing on that advantage. Does that make me a bad person?

So to recap, think about the questions:

Do you feel sorry for a pitcher who plays well but whose team often blows it for him?
Would you play aggressively against a weaker opponent in a competitive/friendly weeknight basketball game?
What are your thoughts on dodgeball on the playground?

try again to put a link up . . . .

yes, we can

Maybe gonna start working on this again. For now, check this out:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1yq0tMYPDJQ